Grand Fun on the Opposition Benches

Filed in Other by on December 9, 2010

“I gave them a sword. And they stuck it in, and they twisted it with relish. And I guess if I had been in their position, I’d have done the same thing”
-Richard Nixon

Richard Nixon always had a great sense of personal identification. He knew what he was and he was not ashamed. He understood that he was a pure political animal, a man who lived and breathed and defined himself by politics and power. He was unabashed in his pursuit of muscle and when he had it, he was never afraid to use it. Just ask Alger Hiss. Or Gordon Liddy. Or anyone on the enemies list. He would take the high road and the low and two things were for certain: he always carried a sword and he was always prepared to twist.

Richard Nixon has been characterized by history as a beast and to some extent, history is correct. But at least Nixon had the decency to be honest with us. Nixon rarely hid behind false notions of generosity and selflessness and moral rectitude that so many of his type, past and present, have used to paint the pretty picture on the prickly needle. Nixon was not, for the most part, a hypocrite. He was a politician and he understood the true meaning of that word more than most. He understood that politics attracted whores, recidivists, power-freaks and antisocial malcontents and he not only accepted it but embraced the nature of the game he was playing. For all his faults, he at least had the decorum to treat us like intelligent adults.

John Della Bosca and Belinda Neal may not have had their political careers exterminated, and exterminated they will be, had they had been as forthright. And they really should not complain about the sword being twisted right now as though it sits firmly between their collective shoulder blades, they are only too aware that if the roles were reversed then they would be driving that dagger in deeper.

Rather than admit any wrongdoing throughout the Iguanagate affair, however, Della Bosca and Neal took the ego-driven route of denial, counter-accusation and heavy leaning. The two are now tangled in quite the web and are unlikely to ever escape. They are suffocating under the weight of their own egos while the rest of us look on smugly.

Australians are an accepting lot and forgiveness has been granted to plenty of wrongdoers. All we ask for is honesty, contrition and at least some form penance. After that, the slate is usually clean and only the vengeful and the wicked are likely to demand more. The cardinal sin in these parts, particularly for politicos who like to throw their ample weight around, is mendaciousness. Those who lie are shown no mercy and are more often than not whipped until they bleed from every orifice. Australians will not tolerate any arrogance-inspired abuse of power. When someone sanctimoniously cries innocence in the face of strong contradictory evidence, Australians like to have the protagonists shamed to such an extent that life on the fringes is the only option available.

It all started off rather meekly. Two political junkies, both of whom are well versed in the ways of machine politics and both of whom found love in the intestines of the Australian Labor Party, joined staff and respective partners for what one would assume they’d hoped would be a pleasant dinner. John Della Bosca and Belinda Neal, the former a then Minister in the Iemma New South Wales Government and the latter a recently elected ALP backbencher in the House of Representatives, had been to plenty of such dinners before and most likely intended on plenty more. The purpose of the dinner is unclear but it seems like nothing more than a Saturday night dinner and drinks.

What happened next is a matter of severe conjecture. It was alleged by Iguana’s staff that Belinda Neal, a woman not renowned for her pleasant nature and kind heart, was somewhat belligerent and vulgar, swearing and threatening the club’s license. Neal and Della Bosca insist they were treated rudely by Iguana’s staff.

Now, thanks to ego and a petty need to preserve some fantastical imaginary public image for purely pragmatic purposes, Iguanagate will result in at least two political executions and probably more. Before this is all said and done, a government or two may also be brought down. There will be blood. The sharks have sniffed it and now the thirst is almost insatiable. It must be remembered that Watergate was nothing more than a cheap escapade into low-rent burglary that escalated with each denial and each lie.

The carnival is over, as they say. The cloak of night is falling, this will be our last goodbye.

The primary issue here is not some ego-driven rudeness or even the abuse of power of two elected officials. It is the sordidness of what would appear to be the cover up.

There is no need to go over all the facts as it will take a rather large book to tell the whole story and there is no doubt that book is being written as we speak. What we know is that Della Bosca and Neal have a different version of events than Iguana staff. Of the seven dining companions Della Bosca and Neal had, all have signed a statutory declaration. Four have been released. The other three, including that of a since departed Neal staffer, have allegedly been withheld by Neal’s office. In the immediate aftermath, Iguana Joe’s offered a public apology. The apology was allegedly written by John Della Bosca’s office. He has since been stood aside as Education Minister for not having informed Premier Iemma of his involvement in writing the apology. Belinda Neal has been warned by Prime Minister Kevin Rudd over her anger management issues after not only the Iguana incident but an occurrence where she was suspended from her soccer league for kicking an opponent and another incident where she can be clearly heard to say to a fellow Parliamentarian, the pregnant Sophie Mirabella: “your child will turn into a demon, you have such evil thoughts.” Police are currently investigating the issue with the penalties for making false statements severe. It was alleged by the Daily Telegraph that police have been “given orders from above to get the case closed.” The ICAC will also investigate the matter.

On the balance of probabilities, it is difficult not to side with the Iguana Joe’s staff on this one. They have no real incentive to abuse patrons and then lie about it. It is, however, not difficult to imagine a politician, particularly one with a recent history of anger issues, getting a little pushy and a little arrogant. I have been in the belly of the beast before and I have eaten with plenty of politicians (and they are usually low ranking ones with small-power issues) who have been keen to get heavy with a chef or a waitress or a caterer for no real reason other than a show of strength. These power-freaks get their rush from giving orders and forcing wills. The subsequent separation of accounts among Neal’s staff casts a further shadow on the version of events put forward by Della Bosca and Neal.

Regardless of what the police investigation and the ICAC investigation find, Della Bosca and Neal are done. If they are found guilty of an impropriety, they will be hung out to dry by the party. Neal’s only internal support is through Della Bosca and if his support dissipates due to a perception that he is too great a political liability, they are both dead in terms of public life. If they are exonerated, the general perception will be that the cover-up was successful and that the couple once again used their political influence to impact proceedings. The ever-populist Kevin Rudd certainly won’t accept an albatross such as Neal hanging around this neck while Morris Iemma is in too much political strife to stand firm with Della Bosca.

Those are the best case scenarios for anyone involved in Labor politics.

The worst is the overthrow of Iemma, the tarring of Rudd, electoral defeat for one or both and a continual festering of the sores borne out of a simple meal at a Central Coast eatery.

Some agencies are prepared to offer $2 about the Coalition winning the next New South Wales election. The election isn’t until 2011 but the price will be about $1.03 by then. By comparison, the over/under on current Iemma ministers serving prison time set at ½ with even money both sides if you are running without the vig.

Other bets to get set on include Belinda Neal not being the Member for Robertson after the next Federal Election (and probably before) and Morris Iemma not making it through 2009 as leader of the New South Wales Labor Party. These bets will be hard to find but if you know the right people and you hide the smugness of being correct, well, you should be right. Both can be bet at $1.50 and both will be big collects. The cash may even be in your wallet by the end of July.

I have never eaten at Iguana Joes but I soon will. And I have no doubt the service will be exemplarily and the staff nothing short of magnanimous. I will lob in on a busy Saturday afternoon, I will order their finest whiskey and a glass of ice and I shall invite the manager to join me for an informal session of heavy drinking and indulgent nostalgia. And we shall laugh with great heart about the day we sent two goats to the slaughterhouse. Above the strange chuckling and the gibberish, an air of righteousness and justice will hover and we will drink knowing that we shall sleep well.

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