From The Couch: Round 8

From The Couch: Round 8

One-Third Report Card: We are one-third of the way through the season. Here is the report card for how each team is tracking. 

Penrith (A+): Have been unchallenged through eight weeks. Handled any injury with aplomb. Perfectly poised to go back-to-back. 

Melbourne (A+): Once they had their core players all on the field they have been scary dominant. Scored 120 points the last two weeks. More upside than any team. 

North Queensland (A): Major surprise packets this year. Stumbled into their best situation with Scott Drinkwater at fullback. Found a superstar in Jeremiah Nanai. 

Cronulla (A-): Made tremendous strides under Craig Fitzgibbon. Big-name recruits have made long-term cultural change. Lost some games they should have won so still need steel.

Parramatta (B+): High point was a win over the Storm in Melbourne, low point was getting hammered by the Cowboys. High variance team, who has been hit hard by injury out wide. 

South Sydney (C+): Somehow inside the Top 8 but the cracks are showing. Big win over Roosters but look lost without Latrell Mitchell. Not sure their investment in youth pays off. 

Sydney Roosters (C) : Failed to cover five times as a double digit fave so clearly a disparity between market and form. Talent there but form of Keary a concern. Upside but have been poor. 

Manly (B): Played well enough with Tom Trbojevic but his injury has taken its toll. Found some nice wins without him but roundly hammered by upper mid-tier teams last few. DCE elite. 

Brisbane (B): Well and truly exceeded expectations with arguably the worst spine in the competition. Been very good at home. Riding Payne Haas for all he is worth. 

New Zealand (C+): Beaten teams they should and getting thumped by better teams. Terribly poorly coached. Bad recruitment taking hold. More pain coming. 

St George Illawarra (C+): Claimed the scalp of the Roosters and pushed Penrith but some selection issues have been concerning and they have been quick to give up at times. 

Gold Coast (F): Epic failure of a season to date. Spent a fortune on recruiting and rewards aren’t there. Big money recruit not involved. Question now over coaching. Half/hooker horrific. 

Wests Tigers (C+): Found two big wins with their season on the line to save Michael Maguire’s job. So much better with Jackson Hastings at helm instead of Brooks. Defying lack of talent. 

Canberra (F): Utterly horrific and not a lot of excuses to be fair. Lost new half before season but no excuse for high levels of stupidity that has permeated team. Wighton flying but so much bad football.

Canterbury (D+): Spent a fortune buying a new backline but still cannot score points. Lack of effort at times a worry. Extremely poorly coached. Big worry talented buys being dragged down. 

Newcastle (F): Stunned the Roosters Round 1 and it has been a fast run downhill since. Last two weeks have been at home and they have lost 89-4. Shocking goalline defence. 

The Magic of Gus: The Trent Barrett death march has begun. Even though the Bulldogs stunned the Roosters on the weekend, the victory was rightly credited to Phil Gould, who completely cuckolded Barrett during the week by taking a training session. The Dogs lifted and did what they have not been able to do under Barrett by showing some ability with the ball and some heart in defence. That win was far more damaging to Barrett’s career than a loss would have been. 

Lawton Had To Go: It was utterly absurd that some wanted to argue that Karl Lawton did not deserve to be sent off is a complete moron. Lawton picked up Cameron Murray, turned him past the horizontal and then not only dumped him on his head but did so with some driving force. It was an old fashioned spear tackle. He will get time and he will deserve it. 

Dally M Atrocities – Round 8: This week’s Dally M atrocities:

• Andrew Johns giving Isaah Yeo a vote ahead of Greg Marzhew, who was outstanding with 12 tackle breaks and a try in a game the Titans did not trail in until 43 mins. 
• Paul Whatuira is off his rocks giving Blake Taaffe a point over Daly Cherry-Evans, who nearly single handedly kept the 12-man Sea Eagles in the contest.
• Whatever kind of drugs Brett Kimmorley is on to award Adam Elliott three votes need to be outlawed.
• Justin Olam was a little stiff not to get a vote from Luke Lewis.

2022 Field Goal Update – 14: An absolutely tremendous weekend for the field goal. Nicho Hynes slotted a first half field goal – in a 16-7 loss. Valentine Holmes slotted a first half field goal – in a 35-4 win. And Shaun Johnson landed one in golden point for a famous win in his return season to the Warriors.

Fun Fact #1: The Wests Magpies did not have a player score 10 tries in a season between Rod Pethybridge in 1986 and Mark Bell in 1992. 

Fun Fact #2: Father-son duo Ken and Peter Gentle are 6-45-2 as a head coach in the premiership. 

Fun Fact #3: Favourites have covered six straight games under Gerard Sutton. 

Betting Market of the Week: Next week the Parramatta Eels will announce that:

$5.00: Jacob Arthur to be named first grade captain
$3.00: Brad Arthur’s wife to be named at five-eighth
$2.00: Brad Arthur’s dog to be named senior assistant coach/ball retriever

Rumour Mill: Cameron Munster is unlikely to leave the Melbourne Storm despite a string of rumours linking him to thee Dolphins. Matt Moylan has been linked with a move to Brisbane but that will only hold if Kevin Walters remains coach. Jacob Kiraz is unlikely to stay at Canterbury. Wigan backrower Kai Pearcee-Paul is in the sights of Newcastle. 

Moronic Coaching Decision of the Week: The nepotism involved in Brad Arthur naming Jacob Arthur at five-eighth against North Queensland got its just desserts when the Cowboys humiliated the Eels in Darwin. The most egregious part of the decision was that it moved talented half Dylan Brown, in career best form, to the centres, where he got almost zero quality ball. Arthur can blame the injury crisis in the outside backs all he wants – he had options, ones that wouldn’t have moved one of his best players from his position to get his son a game. 

The Coaching Crosshairs:  Adam O’Brien’s time at the Knights is every chance of ending this year. He has been incredibly fortunate in his first two years at the club to benefit from an incredibly kind draw. It would be a blind fool to argue that the Knights have in any substantial way improved under O’Brien even from the incredibly low base left by Nathan Brown. Their back-to-back home performances against the Eels and Storm were embarrassing. Their roster is a mess. No player has been developed. They’ve overvalued their best player and given him no supporting cast. The Knights cannot even get the fundamentals right. O’Brien is not what he was advertised as and while he may be a competent coach he is not the right fit for the Knights now. 

Watch It: One of the most storied teams ever to tour Australian shores was the French team in 1951. Les Chanticleers were led by iconic fullback Puig Aubert, still the most revered French league man in history. Here are some highlights of that famed tour. Watch it here.