Kicking with the wind: Be cool

The ice man
Steven Bradbury is still finding a way to make me smile.

Not only is he the luckiest Olympic gold medallist of all time, Bradbury has the kind of sick, simple sense of humour that warms me like a hastily skolled double Drambuie.

Speaking to the West Coast Eagles playing group during a recent engagement, Bradbury decided it was a good idea to trot out the following schtick: “The only person who would have spent more time on the ice than me is Ben Cousins.”

Rather than the uproarious laugh he’d have been assured warming the crowd up for Rodney Rude, Bradbury was met with donuts.

It seems, for once, his timing was off, and that’s saying something for a guy who won gold in Salt Lake City when his competitors fell at the line – in both the semi-final and final.

 

The real ice man
Reports from Perth are that Cousins is still to methamphetamine as Colonel Sanders is to fried chicken.

That’s not to say he’s peddling it in drive-thru outlets the world over, just that he’s the most recognisable face in the meth game at present.

Anyone surprised that Cousins is still on the gear shouldn’t be.

The Channel 7 schmockumentary that ran back in 2010 showed us all that the former Brownlow Medallist was packing an ego to match his habit and only 12 months or so in a padded room would truly cure his ills.

Hopefully it’s not too late for the fallen star, but given the ravages of a long-term ice addiction there’s every chance it is.

 

Guess who’s back
I’m fairly sure there was a great song and dance made last year about Mike Sheahan’s retirement.

So I was somewhat bemused to see that he’s still peddling his ‘Mike’s Top 50’ list of the league’s best players via the Melbourne tabloid he served for so long.

Jon Ralph, Sam Edmund and the other bright-eyed ‘youngsters’ on the Herald Sun’s footy desk must be pissed. The old boy’s still stealing their thunder.

If you’re interested in the list, check it out here. But, remember, it’s of less real consequence than Delta Goodrem’s new TV show.

 

Top of the pops
Mike plumped for Buddy Franklin as the league’s number one player. Hard to argue with the scientific fact that when the big Hawk is flying, there’ s no-one can tame him.

Judd, Goodes, Pendlebury et. al. all appear in the top 10 and look likely types for their ranking. But the elephant in the room is Fremantle behemoth Aaron Sandilands.

Listed at three on Mike’s list, big Sandi seems like he’s got the nod for his excellent performances as the most injured player in football for the last couple of years.

Sure, his foot is as big as a compact car, but to miss most of last season with the mysterious and recurring ‘turf toe’ makes him something less than one of the game’s superstars, surely.

Watch out for Mike’s mid-season rankings. I’m tipping Wayne Carey to overcome a decade of retirement to slide in at number 13.

 

Wretched recruiters
AFL chief Andrew Demetriou has hit out at those concerned Melbourne forward Liam Jurrah’s recent indiscretion while on personal leave in the Northern Territory will affect club recruiting policy in the future.

Club recruiters, it’s been hypothesised, may steer clear of indigenous players given the complex range of social issues they are sometimes forced to contend with.

Well done to Mr D for shooting down such ludicrous logic.

For the sake of the hypothetical, let’s expand on it somewhat… from today onwards, players with Anglo-European heritage will only be drafted if they come from sound family backgrounds with little-to-no personal issues.

There, dashed on the rocks like the foundering Costa Concordia, lie the hopes of young, white players from broken homes, welfare backgrounds or suffering ‘growing pains’.

I can’t see it. Can you?

 

Hurtin’ Hawks
Greg Dear must have made himself one hell of a pact with the devil. The former Hawthorn ruckman picked up three premierships during the late 1980s but wrecked his knee in ’91 and missed out on a fourth flag.

He was replaced that year by part-time tap-man Stephen Lawrence and the Hawks didn’t salute again on the big day until 2008 when they turned Geelong over in a famous win.

The ruckman that day was Robert Campbell. Who? Yep, Robert Campbell, a serviceable player whose career hit the skids with a knee injury in 2009.

Now, the Hawks are fancied for a flag in 2012 and injury magnet Max Bailey looks their best bet on the ball.

With three major knee surgeries under his belt, Bailey now faces pre-season wrist issues and Brent Renouf’s off-season trade to Port Adelaide could well come back to haunt the Hawks.

Oh, for a tall with a robust body at Waverley Park. Maybe if Dear tracks down the devil and trades back those flags there’s a chance.

 

The ringmaster
Pretty soon, Brendan Fevola will be travelling with his own big-top tent, taking on all comers in bare knuckle boxing events to follow his guest on-field appearances for a growing list of country clubs.

As well as turning out for Yarrawonga on Easter weekend, the former-gun for hire will be travelling south to represent New Norfolk in Tasmania’s Southern Football League mid-year, and probably still has plenty of room in his diary for other short-term appointments.

Given the Ovens and Murray League altered its schedule to allow Fev’s one week suspension to pass before the big game, it does seem like the Fev show is considered bigger than the game itself.

Fev probably loves it, but it’s a dangerous precedent.

 

Free to do what I want
Times, they are a’changin’ in the AFL.

We’re set to enter the brave new world of free agency in the next 12 months and its impact on the footy landscape is dangerous to speculate on.

Some players will move and some will stay at home. And that’s about as much as you need to know.

Professional footballers will be pilloried in some circles, whatever their choice, meaning that they’ll likely be considered losers when, in reality, they may equally be considered the winner.

Sounds confusing, huh? Well, it is.

But, ultimately, there’s no real need to worry. You’ll still get to watch footy every weekend for six months of the year – the very worst that will happen is that you might need to choose a new favourite player every few years.

 

Photo by Lucas Dawson/Getty Images AsiaPac