Season 2008: Round 14

From The Couch

Whipping Robert Finch (Again)…Who does this fool think he is? And where does he get the power to change the rules on a personal whim? Before Origin II, Finch decided to do away with the way the ruck area had been policed all season by instructing referee Tony Archer that teams who made breaks or half-breaks were entitled to two-second play-the-balls rather than seven. This was not the case in Origin I and has not been the case all season yet this mentally retarded junkie who has somehow been put in charge of referees decided to change the rules midway through the season and series. Where does this pigslapper get off? The most pressing issue in rugby league is getting this gimp fired. Not at the end of his contract and not at the end of the season. Now. He is a blight on the game, a rodent chewing at the heart of rugby league that needs exterminating. Letters need to be penned to David Gallop, to your local MP, to newspapers of all persuasions, demanding Finch go. And when he is done, we will castrate him at high noon and force him to watch as two fat squirrels chomp on what were once his bollocks.

And Another Refereeing Screed…For the second consecutive weekend, Sean Hampstead was involved in a monumental game-changing screw-up where he awarded a try that, had the decision been referred, would surely (one would hope but you certainly wouldn’t have your last on it) have been disallowed. How Mark O’Meley’s try was awarded is beyond belief. It was a clear knock on. How Hampstead could not refer a try for two consecutive weeks is outrageous. Hampstead is done. He needs to go back to return to England and make a new series of his hardly-amusing-yet-popular television show. His refereeing days should end forthwith.

Necessary Origin Changes…First of all, Steve Turner is done. We will never have to witness that type of atrocity again. His replacement should be Colin Best though it is more likely to be a battle between Jarryd Hayne and Joel Monaghan (if fit). The Peter Wallace bubble has burst, along with at least one of his testicles. He won’t be there in game three. Kurt Gidley should be bought into the starting team to replace him with Robbie Farah replacing Gidley on the bench. Farah is a brilliant utility and with Buderus unable to make it eighty minutes in Origin anymore, Farah is the logical choice. Greg Bird must also be shifted to the forwards. Todd Carney should be selected to play in the six thanks to his wonderful kicking game and ability to penetrate defenses though selectors will likely take the soft option and pick Braith Anasta. Willie Mason and Ryan Hoffman should both be dropped after more appalling efforts with the Blues fielding a backrow of Bird, Anthony Laffranchi and Nathan Hindmarsh. Paul Gallen would drop to the bench and be joined by Craig Fitzgibbon and Brent Kite. Luke Bailey would start at prop with Brett White. That is plenty of changes but that is what is called for after the same old crew once more let New South Wales down.

One Hell of a Debut…Justin Carney could be anything after making one of the most stunning debuts in recent history. Carney was selected on the wing for the Raiders and he was simply outstanding, stamping himself as a future international with two tries. Justin Carney is destined for great things and will play a key role in what looks like an exciting future for the Canberra Raiders.

Vale, Dick “Tosser” Turner…One of the enduring images of the 2008 season will be Queensland rugby league legend Dick “Tosser” Turner being pushed around the Queensland dressing sheds in a wheelchair after the Maroons 30-0 win in Origin II. Turner did not make it through another week, succumbing to cancer. He was an icon of Queensland rugby league, a father figure beloved and respected in the game. He will be sorely missed.

Shane Rodney, The Ginger-Mopped Goal Kicking King…Shane Rodney just has such a vast array of skills that it is impossible not to love him. With Jarrod Sammut dropped to the NSW Cup and Michael Gordon nursing a skull fracture and Brad Tighe writhing in humiliation after his first attempt at goal, the ball was tossed to Shane Rodney to take a simple penalty goal in front of the sticks. It has been one of the highlights of the 2008 season. He then slotted a sideline conversion with the consummate ease of Daryl Halligan. They were his first goals since the 2004 season. Shane Rodney: Superstar.

Coaching Stocks…

Value	LW	Coach	Comment
5	5	Craig Bellamy	The Melbourne Storm had the bye.
4.5	4.5	Ricky Stuart	The Sharks were ordinary but still got the points against the Warriors. Seymour’s redemption is a big tick.
4.5	4	Brad Fittler	Roosters were methodical in bouncing back from heavy loss. Signs are good for top four finish.
4	4.5	Wayne Bennett	Failed to get his Origin contingent fired up against Raiders. This is a seasonal occurrence, however.
4	4	Des Hasler	The Manly Sea Eagles had the bye.
4	3	Michael Hagan	The Eels are back with a big win over the Tigers. The move to drop Grothe was smart.
3.5	4	Tim Sheens	The Tigers have no props due to injury at the moment. A bad effort against Eels but there were excuses.
3.5	3.5	John Cartwright	The Gold Coast Titans had the bye.
3.5	3	Brian Smith	Newcastle chugging away okay…they are on the bubble.
2	2.5	Matt Elliott	Elliott would have been disappointed with effort against Roosters. They were hit hard by injury, though.
1.5	1.5	Nathan Brown	The Dragons had the bye.
1.5	0.5	Neil Henry	Henry is on a high after wins against the Blues and Broncos. Has unleashed boom wing Justin Carney.
0.5	1	Ivan Cleary	The Warriors continue to struggle and rumour has it that Cleary has fallen out with his Polynesian players.
0.5	1	Ian Millward	Now 0-3 with the Cowboys. On MNF, the Cowboys were again hopelessly weak in defense.
0.5	0.5	Steve Folkes	The Canterbury Bulldogs had the bye.
0.5	0.5	Jason Taylor	South Sydney had the bye.

 

The Colin Best Express Fan Revue…The Colin Best Express was at his sublime best last Sunday against the Broncos, playing a key role in the Raiders victory. Best ran 22 times for 206 metres, scored a try, made 8 tackle-breaks, a line-break and offloaded 5 times. He was awarded man-of-the-match and picked up two Dally M Medal points. The big praying mantis was as hot as a brunette in short shorts at a dance off. With Steve Turner an abomination in game one, the push for CBE should be too great to resist. If Best is not selected, let us grab Bob McCarthy in the dead of night and whip him until his ears bleed.

Round Fourteen in 1991…Over 28,000 people turned up to the Adelaide Oval to watch the St. George Dragons, led by British speedster Martin Offiah, defeat the Balmain Tigers 16-2. Both Newcastle and North Sydney were held scoreless in their respective matches. David Woods and Scott Mahon scored doubles for Parramatta in their 30-0 destruction of Newcastle while Greg Alexander scored all the Panthers points in their 8-0 win over Norths at Penrith Park. Manly and Cronulla fought out a 22-all draw at Brookvale Oval. Illawarra recorded one of their finest ever victories with a 19-2 win over the Brisbane Broncos. Western Suburbs defeated Canterbury 15-6 in what would be a preview of the most controversial fifth-placed playoff in history.

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 14…Wests Tigers-Parramatta, 6-44. There were no great games over the weekend so we went with the Parramatta demolition of the Tigers purely for the performance of the Eels halves. Feleti Mateo continues to go from strength-to-strength while Brett Finch was at his best against the Tigers, laying on four tries. The highlight of the match was certainly the slowest footrace ever between Finch and John Morris that seemed to span near ten minutes for a fifty metre “dash”.

Great Canterbury Hooker of Yesteryear…If a Bulldogs team of the last quarter-century was named, Jason Hetherington would be a unanimous choice for the hooking role. He is not out of contention for the Bulldogs Team of the Century. In seven seasons from 1994-2000, Hetherington was an outstanding servant for the Bulldogs with claims to being the Bulldogs best player throughout the period. He was selected for Queensland and Australia and played in three Grand Finals including the greatest of them all, 1995. Hetherington was a legend and will always hold a special place in the hearts of Bulldog fans.

Fantasy Players of the Week…Nathan Hindmarsh, Brett Finch, Colin Best, Anthony Minichiello, Kurt Gidley, Paul Gallen, Danny Buderus, Feleti Mateo, Craig Fitzgibbon, Braith Anasta, Krisnan Inu, Chris Heighington, Corey Parker.

Surprise Fantasy Players of the Week…Justin Carney, Joel Reddy, Terry Campese, Brett Seymour, David Milne, Troy Thompson, Joel Moon, Ian Henderson, Ben Farrar, James Aubusson.

Rebecca Wilson-Danny Wiedler, Scorecard…We were all saved the indignity of their pathetic mumblings this weekend with both seemingly on leave. The one hope is that they will never return to the world of print media. This may be wishful thinking but it is a hope we should all have.

And One Final Thought…Having just endured another bye-shortened round, I am filled with terror at the prospect of State of Origin being held on a Sunday night as a stand-alone event. When this was tried last time, it was a miserable failure. And it will be again. At this time of year, rugby league fans have become accustomed to a weekend full of rugby league action. Even when there are five games played, a somewhat hollow feeling fills the weekend, the idea that we have been short-changed prevalent in thought. To have nothing more than a State of Origin match over the course of a weekend would be madness and would lead to a significant spike in unprovoked random violence over at least three weekends. David Gallop should stand firm on this issue and not be bullied by the tabloid populists who overrate the importance of Origin. The best option is to move State of Origin to a Friday night with a full round of club games to be played on the Sunday and Monday. Players selected in Origin would be eligible for the round prior as well as being eligible to back-up the round after. The second best option is to leave things as per last season and have bye rounds prior to Origin with the game to still be held on a Wednesday night. Any stand alone weekends for Origin are unacceptable.