Season 2008: Round 16

From The Couch

It Just Gets Better…The vinegar is really starting to flow freely now. It is not merely a few lone voices calling for Robert Finch’s head to be placed firmly on a stick and mounted at NRL headquarters as a firm reminder of where ineptitude gets you. Bob Fulton is after him and so too are many others. He is finally being exposed as the incompetent fool he is. Finch is unparalleled in rugby league for his ability to make the game worse. He is a modern day Paul Cariage and that should not be forgotten. And now his whining son has come to Daddy O’s defence. Finch, quite correctly, criticised Fulton’s failure as a New South Wales selector, calling Fulton’s comments in regards Robert “embarrassing” and “a disgrace.” This is possibly the greatest explosion the game will ever know. With any luck it will lead to Robert Finch’s dismissal, Bob Fulton’s removal from the selection panel and the end of Brett Finch’s representative career. When that day comes, a public holiday should be called and all rugby league fans should take to the streets in celebration.

Hampstead, You Are Done…Sean Hampstead is the worst referee in the NRL. Neil Henry was right to sink his teeth into Hampstead’s neck like a crazed vampire after yet another appalling display of ineptitude. If you didn’t know better, you would think Hampstead had backed the Sharks and not just at the plus. He constantly allowed the Sharks to stand offside, he allowed both teams to clearly interfere with the play-the-ball, he missed a number of forward passes and he failed to take adequate action on the nasty cheap shot of Misi Taulapapa on Alan Tongue. Hampstead has been dreadful all season and should be forced to referee games in outback New South Wales where it isn’t Robert Finch doing the appraising but an angry mob of true league fans.

Grubs and Thugs…Inspired by Misi Taulapapa’s filthy cheap shot on Raiders skipper Alan Tongue, I present the All-Grub Team

1. Chris Walker                                               
2. Misi Taulapapa                                                        
3. Steve Matai                                                             
4. Brett Delaney                                              
5. Adam MacDougall                                      
6. Sione Faumuina                                           
7. Brett Finch
8. Michael Weyman
9. Michael Ennis
10. Josh Perry 
11. Paul Gallen ©        
12. Willie Mason         
13. Luke O’Donnell

Sonny Bill Crackhead…Sonny Bill may well be the dumbest person on the face of the earth. How else can a grubber kick from your own in-goal be explained? My head nearly exploded. If I wasn’t so despondent and resigned to a miserable 2008, I would have instantaneously combusted. But we are done and so is the passion.

Kudos, Ruben Wiki…Ruben Wiki became the 10th NRL player to play in 300 first grade games and deserves to be remembered as one of the most versatile and tough players in the modern game. Age is getting the better of him these days but there is little doubt that Wiki is one of the game’s true warriors. From his days as an outside back at the Raiders to his front row days at the Warriors, Wiki has been an ornament to the sport and the personification of what rugby league is all about.

Letters to the Author…Two weeks ago, you commented on the scintillating debut of Justin Carney. In the entire paragraph devoted to the exciting Carney, you failed to use the term “Carney-val” once, as per our agreement that Sunday night, reached after sixteen whiskeys and three cigars. Your oversight has caused me great angst and combined with the fact my two housemates have lost their manhood and given up smoking, sleep has been a rare luxury. You are a fool Tedeschi and you need to get it together. Yours in Severe Displeasure, Grant Vickers, Interim Manager, Dunedoo Dunnarts.

Coaching Stocks…

Value	LW	Coach	Comment
5	5	Craig Bellamy	The young Storm team nearly pulled off the upset of the season. Bellamy has set up a great club culture.
5	5	Ricky Stuart	Winning in Canberra in the rain and cold is hard. Stuart got his Sharks to do just that. He is becoming a Shire hero.
4.5	4.5	Brad Fittler	Courageous win against Dogs. Players putting in for Fittler and there is depth on their roster.
4.5	4	Wayne Bennett	To get a point with the team fielded on Friday night was a testament to Bennett's brilliance.
4.5	4	Des Hasler	Manly have hit their straps. They play tight. And they are reportedly to be the pioneers of new training methods.
3.5	3.5	Brian Smith	The Knights without Gidley, Buderus and Cross were well beaten by Manly. No shame in that. Showed pride in D.
3	3.5	Michael Hagan	The Eels won against the Storm reggies but only just. They were ordinary with a weak forward pack a big worry.
3	3.5	Tim Sheens	Losing to the Warriors at Leichhardt was tragic. Internal divisions arising and there is too much side-to-side play.
3	3	John Cartwright	The Titans were plucky when understrength against the Dragons. The next month will decide the Titans fate.
2	2.5	Neil Henry	A shocking home loss to the Sharks after a great start. Henry can't get them playing consistently and that is not good.
2	2	Nathan Brown	The Dragons were disappointing but still got the win. They have had an easy run but they are still winning.
1.5	2	Matt Elliott	Elliott must be on the pipe if he isn't playing Jarrod Sammut. Penrith were hopeless against the Baby Broncos.
1.5	0.5	Ivan Cleary	Big road win as huge underdogs. The Warriors lifted for Wiki…now they must do it every week. Defence a problem.
1	0.5	Jason Taylor	Souths almost screwed up an easy win but staged a great comeback to make it 3 on the trot.
0	0	Ian Millward	I would back the Lithgow Shamrocks reserve grade team to beat the Cowboys. A joke and Millward isn't helping.
0	0	Steve Folkes	Just go already. Barba once again dominated in the 20's and once again won't get picked by the selfish Folkes.

The Colin Best Express Fan Revue…The Colin Best Express has scored 81 career tries, including 20 in the 2005 season for the Dragons. Never once has he scored a try in round 17. The Raiders this week have the Storm at Olympic Park. Most would suggest that history is against CBE. Never mind that. Expect the Express to turn in a dominant performance and break his round 17 hoodoo. One would imagine that this is how the game will be promoted.

Round Sixteen in 2006…Jake Webster recovered a last second kick and raced fifty metres after the siren to give the Storm a 16-12 victory over the Bulldogs at Olympic Park in the game of the year. Lance Hohaia scored three tries, Brent Webb and Jerome Ropati both recorded doubles and Tony Martin scored 22 points in the Warriors 66-0 demolition of South Sydney at Stadium Australia. Clinton Schifcofske scored 18 points in the Raiders 42-10 win over the hapless Roosters on a sunny Bruce Stadium Sunday afternoon. Justin Hodges was the difference in the Brisbane-Manly match with the Broncos winning 16-10 at Brookvale. Matt Cooper scored a hat-trick and the Colin Best Express scored one as the Saints ran in a comfortable 34-14 win over the Cowboys.

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 16…North Queensland-South Sydney, 28-29. This was not a game for those who like defence. Tackling seemed to be well down the list of priorities of both teams with some of the easiest tries ever seen on a rugby league field scored. Regardless, it was one of the great comebacks in rugby league history with the Bunnies overcoming a 24 point deficit in the last 32 minutes against the pathetic Cowboys with third gamer Chris Sandow slotting the winning field goal. The game gets bonus points for the confusion at the finish when every player bar Beau Champion failed to grasp the meaning of a differential penalty. More bonus points were added for the stupidity of Aaron Payne in opting to go for touch and then kicking the ball to within two metres of the Souths line, thus negating any legitimate chance the Cowboys had of tying the game with a field goal. Why the eleven Cowboys who weren’t tapping the ball or kicking the field goal didn’t form a protective wall in front of the kicker is beyond me. You will have to ask the geniuses in Townsville about that.

Great Canterbury Prop of Yesteryear…Darren Britt. Darren Britt is a legend and that is probably all that needs to be said about him. The big, bustling prop from Orange joined the Dogs in 1994 and racked up 168 games in the blue and white. He captained the team for his last five seasons after taking over from Simon Gillies and will go down as one of the great Bulldogs front rowers. He played six Tests for Australia but, quite disgracefully, never got selected by those fools who parade as New South Wales selectors. If the Bulldogs had somebody of his ilk in the team these days, they would not be stumbling from one humiliation to the next as they are doing now.

Fantasy Players of the Week…Taniela Tuiaki, Corey Parker, Glenn Stewart, Ray Cashmere, Sonny Bill Williams, Craig Wing, Cooper Cronk, Todd Carney, Feleti Mateo, Benji Marshall, Trent Waterhouse, Jason Ryles, Krisnan Inu, Frank Pritchard, Roy Asotasi.

Surprise Fantasy Players of the Week…Luke Covell, Setaimata Sa, Jeff Lima, Nick Kenny, James McManus, Ben Hornby, Brett Seymour, Sika Manu, Tonie Carroll, Arana Taumata, Mark Henry, Luke Capewell, Joel Reddy.

Rebecca Wilson-Danny Wiedler, Scorecard…I had the distinct pleasure of reading neither column on the weekend. It was a luxury afforded to me due to some high level craziness and the misalignment of the stars. Wilson, however, did get the edge due to Wiedler’s ridiculous comments on The Sunday Roast about Sonny Bill Williams, attempting to justify his insane grubber kick from the Bulldogs own in-goal. It was one of the most ridiculous plays I have ever had the misfortune of seeing and Wiedler’s comments only served to show how little he actually knows about the game. Danny Boy’s man crush on Sonny Bill has officially reached the scary level. I am sure if Sonny Bill looked out his window he would see a scrawny gossip columnist sitting in his car with a camera, a set of binoculars and two bottles of Viagra. Wilson 10-8.

And One Final Thought…The differential penalty is one of the most exciting things in rugby league, sitting just behind the kicking duel and the field goal. The referee waving his arm up and down, the confusion of modern day players…it is all great theatre. And, of course, there should be more. Referees aren’t coaches yet constantly teach players how to scrimmage. Referees should put the clipboard away and start firing off more differential penalties. That would solve many of the scrum problems and would create plenty of entertainment.