Season 2008: Round 17

From The Couch

Ben Roberts is as Dumb as a Drunk Goat…It is doubtful that I, or any wordsmith for that matter, can find the right words to accurately describe how insanely stupid Ben Roberts is. Let us just say that only he could make Jason Ryles look like Thomas Edison. The starting halfback for a once-proud club, with over forty games first grade experience and international caps on his resume, thought the best thing to do with the game tied and 1:20 on the clock and the Bulldogs in possession on the first tackle thirty metres from South Sydney’s line would be a grubber kick for his slow outside backs. When I witnessed such madness, I thought I must have been in the throes of a vicious nightmare. In a sense, I was. But it was real, so very real. The Bulldogs, with Ben Roberts having forsaken their chance at winning the game, went on to lose. The final result came as no surprise. The team was destined to lose after such gross stupidity. He should not only be dropped from first grade and told to get the hell out of the club, he should personally call every Bulldogs fan and apologise, all the while accepting with good grace the flood of abuse that will be directed at him. If that one play alone is not enough to convince Folkes that Ben Barba should be playing ahead of him, Folkes is just as intellectually defective.

Supporting Phil Gould, Part 1…Phil Gould was entirely correct in calling for the New South Wales selectors to be held accountable for the Blues third consecutive series defeat. Only NRL referees are less accountable than selectors and it is about time the spotlight was out on them with the hard questions being asked. Laurie Daley apologists chastised Gould for demanding his colleague step aside from his role as a selector. What an abhorrently insider position. Gould has every right to demand a selection panel that has lost three consecutive series on the back of some simply ridiculous selections be held accountable. Gould is the most successful coach in Blues history and in spite of his loathsome personality and over-the-top commentary style, he has more right than most to demand answers. The simple fact of the matter is that the Blues selectors have humiliated their state once more and should be dismissed immediately. And the first question asked in any interview for future panelists should be: “Does Brett White deserve to play representative rugby league again?” If the answer is yes, the fool who said it should be whipped without mercy and told never to watch a game of rugby league again.

Supporting Phil Gould, Part 2…Phil Gould has been calling for the end of the video referee for a long time now and for much of that period I figured he was hitting the pipe just a little too hard. Logically, the move would be absolutely ridiculous. Of course, logic has very little impact when it comes to video referees, so we should probably push it to one side as well. Slowly, with every video referee screw up, I have been coming around to Gould’s thinking. And after Chase Stanley was allowed a try after he planted the ball firmly on the foot of a defender, well away from the ground, I am now an abolitionist, an advocate for the removal of the video referral system. We have reached the point where a toss of the coin would provide more correct decisions. Many years ago, on those long summer nights, with the bat out and the boys in the backyard, disputed run-out decisions were given to fate. Hills, you were out. Flats, you were in. This methodology would provide more correct decisions than that much lauded collection of human dildos known as video referees. Hell, the Dice Man would come up with a better ratio. The only answer is to scrap the video referees and bring back the in-goal touch judge. Or use an NFL type booth system, where the on-field referee must take some responsibility. On-field referees are just as incompetent and they will have to be drilled in a heavy handed manner but at least it won’t lead to these faceless video referees screwing up and getting away with it. We are well past the point of a joke. Abolition seems to be the only answer.

Absolution…Bless me Father for I have sinned. In the space of two paragraphs I have offered almost unqualified support to Phil Gould. Please forgive me and remove this mortal rugby league sin from my slate.

Watch This Man Mountain…”Big” John Kite was exceptional on debut for the Bulldogs on Monday and is sure to have a big future in the NRL. Hopefully it is with Canterbury.

Explain This…Kurt Gidley starting at fullback, Brett Stewart on the bench. What a complete waste of two very talented players. Gidley should have been used to break open the Queensland forwards at the end of each half while Stewart, who was sensational in games one and two, should have played eighty. Amazing.

Coaching Stocks…

Value	LW	Coach	Comment
5	5	Craig Bellamy	Bellamy would be stoked with how well the Storm came though Origin, particularly their solid win over Canberra.
4.5	5	Ricky Stuart	The Sharks had the bye.
4.5	4.5	Brad Fittler	The Roosters had the bye.
4.5	4.5	Wayne Bennett	The Broncos had the bye.
4.5	4.5	Des Hasler	The Eagles are flying and will be right in the mix come late September.
3.5	3.5	Brian Smith	The understrength Knights were on the back end of some outrageous decisions…Smith can take solace from loss.
3	3	Tim Sheens	The Tigers had the bye.
3	3	John Cartwright	The Titans showed plenty of heart against Manly but will struggle without Prince and Bailey.
2.5	2	Nathan Brown	The Dragons just keep winning though they have received plenty of help from the draw and the officials.
2	3	Michael Hagan	The Eels were once again appalling and are underachieving big time.
2	2	Neil Henry	The Raiders were gallant against the Storm but were clearly outclassed.
2	1.5	Matt Elliott	Elliott is blooding some talented yougsters and it is paying dividends with an upset win over the Eels.
1.5	1.5	Ivan Cleary	The Warriors had the bye.
1	1	Jason Taylor	Souths played like rubbish but still got the win. Wing has made a massive difference.
0	0	Ian Millward	The Cowboys had the bye.
-1	0	Steve Folkes	My God, how do you let someone like Ben Roberts play first grade with that intelligence?

The Colin Best Express Fan Revue…Colin Best has defied history and logic by reaching the echelons of rugby league greatness. Fame falls to very few with ordinary names and names do not get more ordinary than Colin. Aside from Monty, Farrell and Powell, CBE may be the most famous Colin walking the face of the globe. Miles Kingston has done some research and in a roundabout way, tends to agree in this very fine reflection on names. Click here

Round Seventeen in 1995…Anthony Mundine scored four tries in an absolutely magical individual performance against South Sydney in which the Dragons won 46-12. Manly club legends Cliff Lyons and Geoff Toovey both scored doubles in the Eagles impressive 34-18 win over Newcastle at Marathon Stadium. Parramatta continued their miserable season with a 24-14 loss to the Western Reds in Perth despite the fastest player in the competition, Lee Oudenryn, landing a double. Albert Fulivai, one of the worst players to ever play regular top grade rugby league in Australia, scored a double for the Canberra Raiders in their 24-12 win over Penrith. Despite Andrew Leeds landing only one from seven, Wests had too much for the Bulldogs, winning 18-14 at Campbelltown. In the least anticipated game of the season, the Gold Coast beat eventual wooden spooners North Queensland 10-8 on the back of the boot of Brendan Hurst.

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 17…Bulldogs-South Sydney, 30-34. This was simply an awful defensive game but for those who like their drama and points, well, this was a classic. The Bulldogs jumped the gun and established a 24-6 lead before the Bunnies launched yet another comeback, taking a 26-24 lead before the Bulldogs reclaimed the lead. Souths then scored with six minutes to go with rookie Chris Sandow missing the sideline conversion to leave the scores tied at thirty. The Bulldogs had an opportunity to win the game when given a scrum feed thirty metres out but Ben Roberts, as has been noted, showed the intelligence of a belligerent wildebeest and grubbered on the first. Souths then scored a try in the second half of golden point after Jarrad Hickey dropped the kickoff. Unbelievable. Not your true classic but few games have had that kind of drama this season.

Great Canterbury Prop of Yesteryear…Troy Stone. A big, lumbering prop of the Mitch Newton mould (and yes, we will get to big Mitch soon enough), Stone had three quality seasons and a year in reserve grade at the Bulldogs after coming across from the Hunter Mariners in 1998. Stone forced his way into first grade that season and helped take the Bulldogs all the way to the Grand Final. His form was maintained over the next two seasons but eventually injury caught up with him and he left the club in 2001 to play in England. He will be remembered as a tough and courageous prop forward who was at his best hitting it up hard. His kind would be most welcome these days at Belmore.

Fantasy Players of the Week…Billy Slater, Anthony Laffranchi, Craig Wing, Feleti Mateo, Jason Ryles, Glenn Stewart, Roy Asotasi, John Sutton, Greg Inglis, Matt Orford, Frank Pritchard, Andrew Ryan.

Surprise Fantasy Players of the Week…Steve Menzies, Masada Iosefa, Taulima Tautai, Chase Stanley, Joe Picker, Brett Morris, David Milne,  Tim Winitana, Zeb Taia.

Rebecca Wilson-Danny Wiedler, Scorecard…I have been forced to head south in order to avoid the total and utter low brow gibberish of these two. Lucky me. So we will call it a tie and hope like hell that neither make it throughout the week as employed.

And One Final Thought…Craig Wing has been absolutely electric since returning from a nasty shoulder injury, playing with as much zest and effectiveness as when he was regarded in the top five players in the game. Back to his preferred halves position, Wing has scored twice and directly set up three tries in only two appearances, playing a key hand in Souths resurgence. It is only early days yet but it would not be out of order to suggest Wing should be selected in Australia’s World Cup squad. He has great utility value and few players have the mix of skill and work ethic that Wing does.