Season 2008: Round 18

From The Couch

Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye…Mark Gasnier, we will all be better off for you going to rugby. You are selfish and stupid and by going to French rugby you are hurting nobody but yourself. Gasnier, a man who struggles to construct even the most simple of sentences (“Fire up, Bitch” is probably the most eloquent of Gasnier’s oratory), has been given so much by rugby league. Much more than he deserved, at any rate. He was given television opportunities despite the fact he cannot speak, he has been forgiven time after time for off field indiscretions and he has been pushed as a future representative leader despite the fact he has no discernible leadership qualities. And he repays the game by whoring his ass out to a French pimp. Good luck with that, Gaz. When he comes crawling back after his number is called, he will be shunned by the game. Don’t expect any post-playing career for the selfish fool. Rugby league should get real heavy with these cheap prostitutes with a simple edict: play rugby, you are banned for life from rugby league. It is all very simple.

The Same Old Story…Another weekend of footy, another weekend of astoundingly awful decisions by the incompetent fraternity of human incompetence known as video referees. We don’t have the time and I don’t have the repetitive inclination to deal with them all. We have done that for eighteen straight weeks and it is getting tiresome. These mentally ill masochists, however, must be held accountable. This week, the worst decision of the lot was made by Graeme West. Adrian Purtell crashed over in the corner against the Dragons, grounding the ball as his foot hit the sideline. The grounding occurred simultaneously as the foot hitting the sideline. Even without the insane precedents set this year, it was a clear case of benefit of the doubt. The rules explicitly state that with any simultaneous action in the motion of scoring a try, the attacking side shall get the decision. Yet West, oblivious to the rules and his own series of ridiculous decisions, ruled against the Raiders. Even public humiliation is not enough for this lot. They need to be shot, deported or lobotomized.

The General…There are few in rugby league who try harder than Luke Patten. He has been the Bulldogs best player over the last three years and they have been three tough years. He has been a warrior who has personified the ideals of the blue and white that has been missing from so many others. He is principled, he is talented and he never gives up. He will be regarded by history as one of the great Bulldog custodians and would certainly be wearing the number one in the all-time team of this author. So it was with a heavy heart that the telegram was accepted stating that Luke Patten had succumbed to a back injury and would not play again this season. It is a tragedy. Patten will hopefully return to his brilliant best in 2009.

The Donald…Rugby league could be on the verge of a very serious expansion into the United States. After the establishment of the AMNRL and the efforts of South Sydney and Leeds in promoting the sport in North America (with significant help from Russell Crowe), it appears as if billionaire businessman and television identity Donald Trump is keen to get involved in rugby league. Trump has had his interested piqued by ex-pats and will attend a World Cup game in Australia this November. Trump’s support and backing would significantly bolster the game in the United States and would certainly assist in the international expansion of the greatest game of all.

Watch Out For…Trevor Thurling. He is really starting to find his feet in first grade and can be a valuable player for the Raiders over the coming seasons. He has explosive speed for a forward, has great ball skills and is one of the best line runners at the club. He will only get better. Expect big things from him in the next few years.

You are now On the Twat List…Welcome to the twat list, Bret Harris. The rugby writer for The Australian decided to pen this ugly piece. So this is the most brutal defence rugby apologists can offer for its dying sport? Wow. The body of rugby is going to be cold even quicker than true rugby haters ever dreamed of. The great selling point of rugby is, yes wait for it, travel. And this is the concern of their scribes. I pity you Bret Harris and all the followers of this total non-entity known as rugby. When the day comes and you don’t have a sport, don’t expect any mercy from the rugby league fraternity. You will be laughed at and mocked before being turned away. Your words won’t ever be forgotten and forgiveness will never enter our thoughts.

Coaching Stocks…

Value	LW	Coach	Comment
5	5	Craig Bellamy	No Origin hangover for the Storm. As always, they were professional in fending off the Tigers challenge.
5	4.5	Des Hasler	The Eagles are the dominant team in the NRL at the moment. They are GF certainties.
4	4.5	Ricky Stuart	Ouch. Poundings don't come much harder than that. Stuart's dour tactics fail against quality opposition.
4	4.5	Wayne Bennett	The Bulldogs loss was a shocker but Bennett knows not to panic in the aftermath of Origin. Still a contender.
4	3	John Cartwright	The Titans round 18 win was one of the most courageous of the season. Cartwright has developed a great culture.
3.5	4.5	Brad Fittler	The Titans loss as 18 point faves was shocking. Consistency and arrogance may prove problems on the run home.
3.5	3.5	Brian Smith	The Knights were tough against Penrith. They are runners for the eight if they stay fit.
3	3	Tim Sheens	The Tigers lost no admirers and should be proud of the effort they showed in Hodgson's farewell to Campbelltown.
2.5	2	Neil Henry	The Raiders were magnificent against the Dragons. With some luck, they will make the eight.
2	2.5	Nathan Brown	Another loss to the Dragons bogey team. It was a bad loss considering their favouritism and position in the eight.
2	1	Jason Taylor	The Bunnies are on their biggest winning streak in 14 seasons. Sandow/Wing combo has been the turning point.
1.5	2	Michael Hagan	The Eels just aren't as good as we all thought. We just have to accept that.
1.5	2	Matt Elliott	Consistency is again the problem for Penrith. Home form is also a major concern that may cost them a finals spot.
1.5	1.5	Ivan Cleary	The Warriors were hardly convincing against the Cowboys but got the job done and may get back in the mix.
0	-1	Steve Folkes	The Bulldogs finally showed some spirit. One would hope that such effort is shown every week from here on in.
-0.5	0	Ian Millward	The Cowboys have now lost ten on the trot and Millward still hasn't got a win. He may never get that first win.

The Colin Best Express Fan Revue…Well, let’s be honest. Rugby league is losing very little with Mark Gasnier going to that most vile of sports. We could, of course, have lost the Colin Best Express and we would all be far worse off if he decided to whore himself out. One need only look at his try against the Dragons, a try which is undoubtedly the best solo try of this season and possibly of the decade, to know I am entirely correct. The Colin Best Express ran seventy metres, brushing past the best defensive centre in the game in Matt Cooper before walking past Mark Gasnier like he was an eighty year old woman stuck in traffic, scoring the most memorable of touchdowns. It was a try for the ages and one which sent those fans of the Colin Best Express into delirium. CBE is rugby league and we should all be proud that we got to see yet another display of his lithe brilliance.

Round Eighteen in 2006…The mercurial Jarryd Hayne, who would go on to win the 2006 NRL Rookie of the Year award, scored four tries and set up another in a sizzling display that got the Eels home over the Knights 46-12. The match was also noteworthy as two conversions gave Andrew Johns the all-time point scoring record in top grade rugby league in Australia. After a quite night in both attack and defence, Mark O’Meley crashed over for the match-winner in extra-time to give the Bulldogs a 22-18 victory over bogey team the New Zealand Warriors. Ryan Hoffman was outstanding for the Melbourne Storm, scoring the deciding try, running for 129 metres and making 32 tackles, in the Storm’s 10-4 win over Brisbane in what would be a preview of that season’s Grand Final. Matt Orford amassed 17 points in Manly’s comfortable 33-16 victory over the Sydney Roosters. Exciting youngster John Sutton scored a double but it wasn’t enough for Souths, who lost a high scoring encounter with the Dragons 38-28.

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 18…Sydney Roosters-Gold Coast, 28-32. This game had plenty of twists and turns but the real story of the game was the courage shown by a nameless Gold Coast team. The Titans, entering the game as nearly eighteen point underdogs after the likes of Bailey, Prince, Minichiello and Harrison were ruled out with injury, showed the fight of a more seasoned outfit in providing a stirring come-from-behind victory over one of the competition heavyweights. Down 28-16 at the turn, the Titans scored three unanswered tries and then held firm for the remaining eighteen minutes to provide the upset of the season. It was a classic game and one that will be remembered for the valour of the Gold Coast Titans.

Great Canterbury Prop of Yesteryear…Mark Brokenshire. A rough and rugged prop and very much from the old school, Brokenshire forged his reputation as one of the game’s true hard men in his 78 games in the blue and white in the early nineties. His mustachioed face only further endeared him to the Bulldogs faithful. Such was his class, he received a nomination for the Bulldogs 70th season Team of Champions. His final game with the Bulldogs was as a still-effective 34 year old in the ill-fated 1994 Grand Final. He loved a hit and loved a tackle and those players always reside near the heart.

Fantasy Players of the Week…Greg Inglis, Glenn Stewart, Trent Waterhouse, Michael Ennis, Kurt Gidley, Simon Mannering, Billy Slater, Colin Best, Feleti Mateo, Paul Gallen, Sonny Bill Williams, Krisnan Inu, Craig Fitzgibbon.

Surprise Fantasy Players of the Week…Chris Houston, Mark O’Meley, Jamie Simpson, Matt Geyer, Brett Morris, Nathan Merritt, Dene Halatau.

Rebecca Wilson-Danny Wiedler, Scorecard…Wilson showed just how goddamn stupid she is with her uninformed and insular comments on the NRL television deal. Everything comes back to personal attacks with her and she sees the very correct public debate over television revenues garnered by rugby league as nothing but petty attacks from Fairfax journalists inspired by Super League. How she gets paid is beyond me. We will give Geoff, of Sydney, the last say: “Rebbeca for a person who has such a big hate for league ever since you had been exposed for being a reporter with little knowledge of sport, you certainly spend a lot of time writing about it. In saying that your writing gives me plenty of laughs and also shows that anyone can do what they want for a living even though they may be crap at it.” Wiedler 10-6, just out of the pure hatred for Wilson and her pettiness. Those on Facebook should look at joining one of the many anti-Wilson groups, just for kicks.

And One Final Thought…Raiders skipper Alan Tongue is, without doubt, the toughest man in rugby league. Tongue was inspirational in returning from a rib cartilage injury, suffered at the hands of cheap shot merchant Misi Taulapapa. Tongue was expected to miss up to a month yet was absent for only a week, returning against the Dragons in yet another example of his toughness. He, of course, didn’t shirk the task either, playing 68 minutes of tough and hard football. Every club would be better off for having Alan Tongue in their colours. It will be recorded as one of rugby league’s great shames that those gimps who have been handed representative selection duties in New South Wales have never seen fit to reward Tongue. If Tongue was a Queenslander, he would be firmly entrenched in the rich rugby league lore of the state. Alan Tongue is yet another example of how out of touch the New South Wales selectors are.