Season 2008: Round 7

From The Couch

Whoring Off The Green and Gold (Or Blue and Maroon, As The Case May Be)…It probably should have come as no surprise. Australian coach Ricky Stuart got his Sharks boys a Test jersey. Greg Bird and Paul Gallen will both start in the backrow while new recruit Anthony Tupou has also been handed a spot on the bench. Greg Bird, of course, is most deserving after turning into one of the elite ball-playing backrowers. Paul Gallen and Anthony Tupou, however, were extraordinarily lucky. Gallen is a cheap thug and Tupou just isn’t that good. Nathan Hindmarsh should have been a walkup certainty and Anthony Laffranchi has been one of the three best backrowers in the game since joining the Titans. It is a travesty that these two missed selection. This is particularly true in the case of Nathan Hindmarsh, who has been a fine servant of the game for his entire career and has been a man who that has never let Australia down. Seemingly, Ricky Stuart will be using his position as Australian coach to assist in the recruitment of players to Cronulla.

Selection Stupidity…It is mind boggling that Luke Douglas, Ben Creagh and Chris Lawrence were all overlooked for City-Country selection. Luke Douglas has been super this year for the Sharks and is deserving of a spot in the Country front row. Ben Creagh has spent much of 2008 injured but was one of the finest backrowers in 2007 and is starting to hit form again. And Chris Lawrence must be shocked and appalled to be left out for Luke Rooney, Ben Pomeroy and Brett Delaney. Selectors, once again, have got it wrong.

Excuse Me, This Must Be A Prank…This was surely the response of Corey Hughes when told he had been selected as the City hooker for the 2008 City-Country clash. The tears have only just started to dry and the text messages have only just stopped arriving. This is possibly the most shocking selection decision I have seen in rugby league history. It is not everyday that a ten year player with few discernible skills and even less common sense, who has never been under consideration for any form of representative honours, gets handed a representative jersey. The likes of Isaac De Gois, Mark Riddell, James Aubusson, Dean Young and Heath L’estrange should all consider immediate retirement. They have certainly never been handed a bigger insult.

Well I’ll Be Damned…On Friday night, for (possibly) the first time in many years, a scrum was won against the head. The Brisbane Broncos showed some great hustle in raking the ball back from South Sydney and winning possession. It was a throwback to a different time. I trust NRL stats keepers will reintroduce the against-the-feed statistic as a matter of urgency.

Video Referee Screed…How incompetent can one group of people be? The decision by video referee Russell Smith to disallow a clear try to Titan benchman Gavin Cooper was absolutely astounding. Cooper chased through a kick and dived on the loose ball, grounding it with his torso. The decision was a knock on. It is just the latest incident in a long line of fuck ups by video referees. These fools all need to be hung up by their testicles and have some common sense flogged into them.

David Simmons, Worst Defensive Centre in the NRL…David Simmons was as weak as a teenage boy in a strip club against the Tigers, showing a heart the size of a split pea whilst supposedly defending. Simmons was responsible for two Tigers tries, attempting the intercept rather than taking the man. It was as gutless as it was stupid. Simmons does not have the bottle for first grade and should be demoted to the New South Wales Cup forthwith.

Bitches #1…The Sydney Roosters. The Roosters have been nothing short of disgraceful over the last fortnight. They have fallen from the hot team in the NRL to a joke in less than two weeks. The so-called big guns at the Roosters like Willie Mason and Mark O’Meley are not shaping up while the outside backs have been turnstiles in defence. The Roosters will miss the eight if they keep offering this rubbish each week.

Bitches #2…The Canterbury Bulldogs. The Bulldogs started well against Manly but it all capitulated when Heka Nanai offered his finest Martin Bella impression by dropping a kickoff. It was a sharp descent from there with the Bulldogs playing dumb football for the middle forty minutes. The Bulldogs need to sharpen up if they are to stay in premiership contention.

Coaching Rankings…

Value	LW	Coach	Comment
5	5	Craig Bellamy	Still the man and it is always handy to get the points in Townsville.
4.5	5	Ricky Stuart	Two narrow losses giving flashbacks to '07. Got Tupou and Gallen in Test team.
4	4	Des Hasler	Eagles accounted for the Dogs with ease. Eagles back on track.
4	4	Wayne Bennett	The Broncos were so courageous on Friday. The squad is still playing for Bennett.
4	4	John Cartwright	Another big home win and the Titans sit alone on top. Sharp coach who gets it done.
3.5	4	Brad Fittler	Humiliating loss to Dragons. Novelty has worn off with Fittler. Needs a 180 from his team.
3.5	3.5	Michael Hagan	Eels had the bye. Needs to get Eels firing.
3.5	3.5	Tim Sheens	The Tigers won ugly but it was huge to again score without Farah.
3.5	3.5	Brian Smith	Knights had the bye.
3	3.5	Ivan Cleary	Warriors are playing awful on the road. Return of Price should help.
2	2	Neil Henry	Raiders had the bye.
1.5	1.5	Steve Folkes	Loss of Patten hurt but the Dogs were awful in the middle forty minutes against Manly.
1.5	1.5	Matt Elliott	Panthers had the bye.
1	1	Graham Murray	The Cowboys are finally firing and looked good against Storm. Needs to keep them winning.
0.5	0.5	Jason Taylor	Another week, another loss. Not even the new Souths owners will accept this run of outs.
0.5	0	Nathan Brown	Massive win over the Roosters. Will give him a couple of week’s grace.

 

Colin Best Express Fan Revue…Those who selected the City Origin side must have been, presumably, well acquainted with the crack pipe when choosing the 2008 team. The Colin Best Express missed out to Ben Pomeroy, Brett Delaney and Luke Rooney despite being a more accomplished player than the three combined. Pomeroy can’t catch, Delaney can barely run and Rooney is washed-up yet all got the nod ahead of CBE. This is a tragedy and requires some form of Royal Commission to weed out the fools who overlooked the Colin Best Express.

Todd Polglaise, Reinvented…The amusingly named Jimmy Fawcett. Fawcett, the slow and not particularly skillful Bulldogs Toyota Cup fullback, looks to continue the tradition of slow, white outside backs at Canterbury that has included such luminaries as Shane Marteene and Todd Polglaise. He will fit right in.

Round Seven in 1998…Darren Lockyer scored 22 points from two tries and seven goals in the Broncos 60-6 molestation of the North Sydney Bears…The Bulldogs beat Balmain 26-10 in the ten year anniversary of the 1988 Grand Final on the back of a Steven Hughes double…Warriors coach Ivan Cleary kicked nine from ten and Gladiator contestant Nat Wood scored two tries in the Roosters 50-16 demolition of the North Queensland Cowboys…Neil Piccinelli scored for Newcastle in their 38-14 win in Auckland…The Dragons snuck home against a nameless Magpies team 12-8…Ben Kennedy scored twice for the Raiders in their 24-12 win over the Gold Coast Chargers.

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 7…Brisbane-Souths, 32-18. Primarily due to Joel Moon’s last ditch try to cover the spread. The Broncos were as courageous as they were brilliant and raced out to a handy lead before the Bunnies staged a mini-fightback. The Broncos held firm and then put them to the sword in the end. Souths were only fair but that is as good an assessment as they have received all year.

Great Canterbury Backrower of Yesteryear…”The Lobster” Tony Grimaldi. My affection for Tony Grimaldi has been well known for some time. Grimaldi was a worker of the highest order and was renowned for The Classic Moment. He was talented and versatile enough to play representative football and it is a great shame that he never did. He has been sorely missed at Belmore since his retirement.

Fantasy Players of the Week…Michael Witt, Chris Heighington, Paul Gallen, Anthony Laffranchi, Anthony Tupou, Sonny Bill Williams, Glenn Stewart, Israel Folau, Chris Lawrence, Jamie Soward, Brett Hodgson.

Surprise Fantasy Players of the Week…Preston Campbell, Tonie Carroll, Mark “Sexual Chocolate” Henry, David Fa’alogo, Ben Jeffery, TimWinitana.

Rebecca Wilson-Danny Wiedler, Scorecard…Wiedler, with all the class of a cheap street walker, revealed that Titans lock Daniel Conn had indulged in what religious types would call “impure relations” with adult film star Gina Lynn. Wilson, in her usual pathetic manner, took Titan Anthony Laffranchi to task about his rape case despite the fact he was acquitted. These two reach new depths each week. We will call it a draw and hope they both get fired this week.

And One Final Thought…The NRL was completely correct in not fining Bulldogs coach Steven Folkes for comments made about referee Tony Archer. Tony Archer made the absolute worst decision of the season when he awarded a scrum to the Eagles after Ben Roberts was picked up after he was tackled and then had the ball stripped from him. It was a clear Bulldogs penalty and came at a crucial impasse. The Dogs paid dearly for Archer’s stupidity. And clearly, the problem goes higher. Right up to Robert Finch in fact. Finch once more has the referees officiating poorly. If he coached an NRL team he would have been fired for poor results many years ago. Perhaps the NRL should look at hiring Steve Folkes. At least he is in touch with the game.