Season 2008: Round 8

From The Couch

An Enjoyable Public Whipping…Phil Gould is nothing more than a loud mouthed fool with a strange fetish for public spectacle and though I occasionally find myself agreeing with him, for the most part he is nothing more than an out-of-touch whiner who gets his kicks from settling old scores and attacking personal enemies throughout the media. In his Sunday newspaper column, Gould went after his former protégé Ricky Stuart. Gould alluded to personal differences between Ricky Stuart and his Australian halfback Johnathan Thurston while criticizing the seemingly legitimate emphasis Stuart places on halfbacks. Gould failed to note that nobody wins a premiership without a decent halfback. Stuart hit out at the comments and highlighted that Gould was a bitter man with a penchant for the dramatic and the vengeful. Stuart put Gould in his place and though it won’t shut him up, it has at least put a smile on the faces of all the anti-Gouldites out there.

Of Course, How Could We Forget Michael Crocker…The Australian selection panel continues to outdo itself in the pursuit of total and utter incompetence and most probably corruption. Michael Crocker has somehow, beyond the realms of belief, been selected ahead of the competition’s most in-form forward and named eighteenth man Anthony Laffranchi for this weekend’s Centenary Test. Of course, it should probably come as no surprise. Despite the fact he rarely plays a regular season club game, Crocker is constantly handed Australian and Queensland jerseys. Most people who understand rugby league have no idea why Michael Crocker has been anointed a golden child but there is no doubt that he is a protected and revered beast. There is no logical explanation as to why Crocker was selected ahead of Laffranchi despite having played only four uneventful games for the Storm this season. Laffranchi is a better player, was already in camp and proved himself once more with a brilliant performance in City-Country. One has to assume that Michael Crocker keeps quite the dirt file on representative selectors. No player has ever had a more charmed run.

When Goal Kicking Goes Wrong: A Warrior’s Tale…Michael Witt has been touted as the best goal-kicker in the NRL in recent times with his numbers sound and his form reliable. That was, of course, until Sunday when, on a wild and wintry Auckland afternoon, Michael Witt did his reputation considerable harm and his body no favours either. In attempting a penalty goal late in the Warriors clash with Canberra, thirty metres out and directly in front, Witt belted the kicking tee further than the ball, which popped straight out and up like a cork from a champagne bottle. Witt, simply, missed the ball and looked like a just tranquilized deer whilst doing so. He quickly clutched his leg afterwards and was soon replaced but it was nothing more than the humiliation of winning “The Worst Ever Attempt At Goal” award that had him heading for the sheds.

Gut-Wrenching Injury of the Week…Darren Lockyer. The Broncos are playing brilliant rugby league at the moment with Wayne Bennett making the most of a hard and skillful forward pack and a speedy backline. Losing Lockyer will not hurt the Broncos all that much. It is a different story for the Australian team, however. Lockyer will be sorely missed as a leader and big game playmaker. Few players are as feared as Lockyer at Test level, an arena that usually brings out his best. His loss will hurt Australia’s hopes in the Centenary Test.

Bitches #1…The Penrith Panthers. The Panthers had Parramatta beaten on Saturday evening yet, as has become custom over the last few seasons, the Mountain Men found a way to screw it up. The Eels were under the hammer constantly in the first half but the Panthers couldn’t finish them off. Then in the space of ten minutes the Eels put the wandering Panthers to the sword with four tries. Old habits die hard out at Penny Park these days it would seem.

Bitches #2…The North Queensland Cowboys. Defeated by South Sydney. Ouch. The Cowboys were inept for most of the match with only Ray Cashmere and Carl Webb performing anywhere near decently enough. The Cowboys are pathetic enough on the road to miss the finals this season.

Coaching Stocks…

Value	LW	Coach	Comment
5	5	Craig Bellamy	Melbourne had the bye.
4.5	4.5	Ricky Stuart	The Sharks had the bye.
4.5	4	Wayne Bennett	Has the Broncos back on top and playing exciting, sharp running league.
4	4	Des Hasler	The Eagles had the bye.
4	4	John Cartwright	The Titans were tough against Newcastle. Needs to get some away wins, however.
4	3.5	Brian Smith	2007 is forgotten. Smith has the Knights winning without Bedsy or Joey. Unbelievable.
3.5	3.5	Brad Fittler	The Roosters had the bye.
3.5	3.5	Michael Hagan	After an awful first half, got the Eels playing straight and with the ball. A much needed win.
3.5	3	Ivan Cleary	Tough, gritty win against the Raiders in the wet with injury decimated team. Needs a road win.
3	3.5	Tim Sheens	The Tigers are playing too tight for much of the game. Need to be more expansive.
2	2	Neil Henry	The Raiders failed at the basics in the rain. Could have won with some discipline.
1.5	1.5	Steve Folkes	The Bulldogs had the bye.
1	1.5	Matt Elliott	Elliott cannot get his team to focus. They should have beaten the Eels but lost focus and energy.
0.5	1	Graham Murray	Lost to Souths. Ouch. Already on the outer, it is debatable whether his team are playing for him.
0.5	0.5	Jason Taylor	Souths recorded much-needed win. Still under the pump with image and respect problem.
0.5	0.5	Nathan Brown	Saints had the bye.

The Colin Best Express Fan Revue…It is a little known fact that the Colin Best Express often ends a conversation with the phrase “All the Colin Best”. Most people chuckle and nearly all realise that they have, in fact, been talking to the Colin Best.

AMNRL Countdown…We are less than four weeks away from the kickoff of the 2008 American National Rugby League season with the Jacksonville Axemen set to take on the Philadelphia Fight on May 31. That’s right, rugby league in the United States. The hot team is the Connecticut Wildcats, who have won two premierships on the trot after rolling through the 2007 season undefeated. All true rugby league fans are anticipating the 2008 AMNRL season with a good deal of excitement.

Vale, Matt Petersen…you will always be remembered as the greatest American Tomahawks five-eighth to ever grace a rugby league field.

Vale, Michael Dobson…your contribution was such that it is like we hardly know ye.

Round Eight in 1990…In the much anticipated rematch of the fabled 1989 Grand Final, Balmain could not atone for their tragic defeat, held scoreless by the Raiders, who claimed the Bruce Stadium clash 14-0…Eventual Grand Finalists Penrith were beaten 30-14 on the back of a Mark McGaw double…Charlie Saab scored for Souths but it was not enough to prevent a 16-8 Wests victory…Rothman’s Medalist Ewan McGrady was inspirational in scoring a try and leading the Bulldogs to a 14-4 victory over Manly…Terry Matterson scored sixteen points in the Broncos 36-12 win over a Roosters side that would win only six games all season.

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 8…Newcastle-Gold Coast, 13-12. The Newcastle Knights looked up against it when Danny Buderus withdrew late but they got to an early lead on the back of some tremendous play by Jarrod Mullen before holding firm as the Titans staked a stirring comeback. Mullen potted a well-timed field goal with twelve on the clock and it proved the difference. For those who love defensive rugby league, this game was super.

Great Canterbury Backrower of Yesteryear…Dennis Scott. Like many of the great Bulldogs backrowers of yesteryear, Scott received little public adulation. But he was a warrior who loved getting his hands bloody and dirty. He had a good run with the Bulldogs at the turn of the century before being forced out and heading to the Storm, where he played briefly before a painful and unpleasant ailment forced him into retirement.

Fantasy Players of the Week…John Sutton (who had a game for the ages against the Cowboys), Sam Thaiday, David Stagg, Petero Civoniceva, Tony Puletua, Feleti Mateo, Karmichael Hunt, Kurt Gidley, Ben Hannant, Roy Asotasi, Lincoln Withers.

Surprise Fantasy Players of the Week…Ben Te’o, Stuart Flanagan, Beau Champion, Jarrod Mullen, Reece Robinson, Ray Cashmere, Nathan Merritt, Matthew Keating.

Rebecca Wilson-Danny Wiedler, Scorecard…Wilson finally pestered Russell Crowe into an interview…Wiedler continued his low brow fun with Daniel Conn…it was all relatively dull. Another draw, another week hoping The Fates intervene for the greater good and exterminate the careers of these two.

And One Final Thought…Todd Carney must be selected for Origin I after an eye-catching performance for Country Origin on Friday night. The performance was capped by a wonderful solo try that tied the game up for Country. Carney outplayed his opposite number, Braith Anasta, and was not outshone by any of his halfback rivals. If Carney isn’t selected in the starting outfit, he must be given a bench position. Few in the game possess the combination of pass, run and kick that Carney has. Throw in his goal-kicking, it would seem ridiculous that he could not get picked. Selectors just have to find a spot for him