Season 2009: Round 29

From The Couch

Tragedy at Homebush: A monumental season came to a painful and nasty end on Friday night for the Bulldogs. The fairytale ended in tragedy. Cinderella was no longer going to the ball. The opening set of the match was something out of a war zone. Fuifui Moimoi was hit by a Ben Hannant torpedo. The Bulldogs gave no quarter and won the opening exchange. And then the Eels kicked, Parramatta chased, Luke Patten recovered and moments later he was out cold. One of the key Bulldogs players lay unconscious on the turf. He would return late in the second half but he wouldn’t be the same. The Bulldogs were outplayed in the first half and were the victims of some ridiculously bad decisions from officials including two bad touch judge rulings. See a scrum feed to Parramatta for Ben Roberts allegedly playing at a ball he was trying to get away from and a touch judge ruling a 40/20 when the ball had clearly travelled dead.

They did receive an eight-point try early though and they were stoic in defence and miraculously led 12-6 at the break. The match was taking its toll though. The Eels had lost Cayless but half the Dogs seemed banged up and worse we were forced to play big, fat Buddy Gordon in the backs. The second half, for this author, was a bit of a blur. Parramatta launched their comeback off a disgraceful decision to give Parramatta a twenty metre tap when Hayne caught a follow through grubber on the full but had one foot in the field of play. They subsequently scored a try. The Bulldogs were dead on their feet and never recovered. Yada, yada, yada, the Bulldogs lost. Brett Kimmorley was awful in his play calling and kicking. The officials were just as bad. The Bulldogs were courageous but were so banged up and hurt that they had nothing in the tank for any last ditch attacking raids. Even with the prospect of another Paul Carige-like comeback looming, this author could not watch the last ten minutes. Grace is always highly regarded in the defeated but there will be none of that here. Parramatta didn’t deserve the victory and I wish them nothing but pain and tragedy in the decider. They can consider their place in it lucky. Hopefully a real team like Melbourne will school them in the finer points of the game. Fuck you Parramatta. Fuck you. The Storm will at least be deserving of a premiership trophy.

Calling Conspiracy: In late August, Wests Tigers prop Bryce Gibbs was hit with a grade two dangerous conduct charge after he dropped his knees into the back of Luke Burt after Burt scored a try. He was suspended for three weeks. Jarryd Hayne did exactly the same thing to Bryson Goodwin on Friday night. He was charged with grade one contrary conduct. Why the difference in charges? Well obviously Hayne is a protected star of the game now, a marquee drawcard who is well looked after by those in positions of power while Gibbs is a cheap thug very few care about. The failure to show consistency with these two charges should result in Greg McCallum being immediately fired. He won’t be. Hayne should have been watching the Grand Final from the sideline just as Cameron Smith had to last season.

Finals Summary #2: Brisbane, as expected, was left severely wanting without Peter Wallace. All the playmaking was left to Darren Lockyer and that was never going to be a problem for a team with such a strong defensive structure as Melbourne. It clearly wasn’t. Melbourne rushed to a 28-0 lead just after the half on the back of some tidy play and some ill timed Brisbane mistakes. The Broncos were beaten all over the park. Brisbane dropped the ball. They were outmuscled up front. Melbourne kicked for position and situation better. They played the fringes stronger. They outhustled a lethargic and slow Brisbane team. The final score of 40-10 flattered Brisbane. The Broncos probably went further than they deserved to but will be up against it next season with no big name recruits and a severe need to work on their defensive structure.

The Nathan Brown Finish: Nathan Brown led Huddersfield to third in this season’s Super League. The Giants this week lost in week two of the finals. They went bang-bang. It is pleasing to see some things don’t change. Nathan Brown just can’t ever get his team over the line in a big game. Brian Smith has passed the torch on and Nathan Brown is now the carrier.

The NRL Drops the Ball #1: The NRL is being pig headed and foolish by refusing to investigate accusations of match fixing against the Sydney Roosters in the face of such damning circumstantial evidence. The NRL have taken the line that they can’t and won’t “investigate every time the bookmakers lose”. That is a churlish and ill-conceived position. For starters, the bookmakers rarely cry foul when they lose. They cry foul when they lose and are aware that something untoward has gone on through either betting patterns or betting parties. There have been at least six fishy games over the last decade yet the NRL buries its head in the sand every time the issue of point shaving, match fixing or gambling by NRL players comes up. It is a very real problem and has become an annual event in August. It becomes exacerbated when teams with big punters like the Roosters are down the bottom of the table and have little to play for. It is obvious to all in the betting industry that the Roosters tanked their last match and possibly a number of others, as eluded too in this very column. Nothing hurts a sport more than a betting scandal as it strikes fear and cynicism into even the most ardent supporters of the code and leaves the game scarred for a generation. The NRL cannot afford for this to get out of hand. They should employ a betting officer and investigate all suspicious betting activity as a matter of course.

The NRL Drops the Ball #2: David Gallop this week came out and stated that the NRL was committed to the inadequate McIntyre System and that there were no moves afoot to revert to the old NRL system used between 1995 and 1996. There is a groundswell of support to scrap the McIntyre System and there is almost unanimous support to give first week finals losers who finished top four home field advantage over first week finals winners who finished fifth-to-eighth as was the case this year. The McIntyre System is so frustrating and the failure of the NRL to respond to public want once again highlights the institutional inertia that stymies the NRL so often.

Rumour of the Week: The Gold Coast Titans are on the verge of signing Greg Bird. Word from on high is that the Bird deal is done and will be announced once Bird’s legal battles are over and the NRL gives the thumbs up to his return. The Titans are very much in Florence Nightingale mode and believe they can reform the convicted criminal.

Fun Fact #1: Last year Brent Kite became the first player since Cliff Lyons in 1987 to win the Clive Churchill Medal while adorned with facial hair.

Fun Fact #2: Cliff Lyons is the only moustachioed Clive Churchill Medal winner.

Fun Fact #3: Brad Clyde is the only player to win the award twice and is one of only two players (the other being Brad Mackay in 1993) to be awarded the medal on a losing team.

Fun Fact #4: Greg Inglis is the only player playing in Sunday’s NRL Grand Final to have won a Clive Churchill Medal.

Fun Fact #5: Seven halfbacks (Sterling, Stuart, Langer, Toovey, Kimmorley, Johns, Prince) have won the award making it the most winning position.

Fun Fact #6: No wing or centre has ever won the Clive Churchill Medal.

Fun Fact #7: Going back to 2000, five forwards and four backs have won the Clive Churchill Medal.

What Did Shane Rodney Do This Week? “Sugar” Shane has decided to give a big fuck you to the gods who constantly strike him down with injury by undertaking the most dangerous job in the world during the offseason: Alaskan Crab Fisherman. If Rodney survives the extraordinarily high fatality rate of 300 per 100,000 then he should be set for a cracking 2010.

The Colin Best Express Fan Revue: Colin Best’s Facebook fan site has 13 fans. Well done CBE!

Grand Final Thoughts: Melbourne will win in a canter. The Storm are looking as fresh and brilliant as they have leading into any of their previous three Grand Finals. They were clinical against Brisbane after slicing Manly to shreds. The Storm backline is the key. They are all classy defenders with the exception of Dane Nielsen while in attack everything is clicking. Greg Inglis and Billy Slater are in rare try scoring form, even for them, while the Finch-Cronk combination may be the most effective in the NRL. Up front, Cameron Smith and Dallas Johnson have the workrate to match Nathan Hindmarsh while Aiden Tolman, Jeff Lima and company are big enough to take on Fuifui Moimoi. Melbourne are deserved favourites. They will smother Hayne and that will be Parramatta done. Expect Melbourne to win the arm wrestle and then put Parramatta to the sword. This won’t be a classic Grand Final but it will be an historic moment in the history of the Storm. Melbourne to win by three tries.

Beard Watch: If Sunday’s Grand Final were to be determined on beards then Melbourne would win in a canter thanks to Dallas Johnson’s beauty. He is persisting with his “werewolf playing Abraham Lincoln in a theatrical version of Lincoln watching Our American Cousin.” That is tough to beat. Greg Inglis and Jeff Lima have some wispy beards going on, Cameron Smith has his usual shadow and Will Chambers has his awful bike strap to round out a solid Storm facial hair contingent. The Eels, well, they seem to have gone clean shaven. It will cost them. Kevin Kingston at one time had an outstanding gnome beard but these days he is as fresh as a daisy and playing like a pansy. The beard reader calls it Melbourne by plenty with Dallas Johnson winning the Clive Churchill.

Thems Were The Days: This decade is quickly drawing to a close with only one match remaining. Below is a wander down memory lane, a quick look back over the last decade and its best clubs and star players and the champions that defined the noughties.

2000-2009 Power Rankings: Below is the list, in order of superiority, of each NRL team and how they performed over the last decade. With only one match to play, now seems the appropriate time. There is no argument that Melbourne are the top team, Brisbane are number two and Souths have been the worst. There is plenty of debate in the middle, however. The Dragons ranked ahead of two premiership winners. Those premiership winners only made the finals twice in eighteen tries in their non-premiership years though. Eight teams are playing at better than 50% with seven below. Only five teams haven’t played in a decider. The Cowboys are the only team to have played all ten years not to win 100 matches though Souths certainly aren’t projected out to. Brisbane didn’t miss the finals. The Tigers, Titans and Souths only made them once. The last decade…how it panned out.

 

Rank	Club	Titles	Grand Finals	Finals	W – L – D
1	Melbourne	1*	4	8	147 – 93 -4
2	Brisbane	2	2	10	144 – 94 – 6
3	Canterbury	1	1	6	142 – 96 – 6
4	Roosters	1	4	6	129 – 112 – 3
5	Parramatta	1*	2	7	128 – 110 – 6
6	Manly	1	2	5	91 – 77 – 0
7	Newcastle	1	1	6	128 – 114 – 2
8	Dragons	0	0	7	127 – 112 – 5
9	Penrith	1	1	3	112 – 130 2
10	Wests Tigers	1	1	1	102 – 139 – 3
11	New Zealand	0	1	5	105 – 124 – 5
12	Cronulla	0	0	5	114 – 138 – 2
13	Canberra	0	0	6	114 – 128 – 2
14	North Qld	0	1	3	99 – 142 – 3
15	Gold Coast	0	0	1	36 – 36 – 0
16	Souths	0	0	1	56 – 132 – 4

Team of the Decade:

Fullback: Billy Slater (Melbourne)
156 matches, 11 matches for Queensland, 6 Tests for Australia

Wing: Justin Hodges (Brisbane, Roosters)
165 matches, 12 matches for Queensland, 7 Tests for Australia

Centre: Nigel Vagana (Warriors, Bulldogs, Cronulla, Souths)
195 matches, 34 Tests for New Zealand and Samoa

Centre: Greg Inglis (Melbourne)
96 matches, 10 matches for Queensland, 12 Tests for Australia

Wing: Matt Sing (Roosters, North Queensland)
149 matches , 10 matches for Queensland, 11 Tests for Australia

Five Eighth: Darren Lockyer (Brisbane)
216 matches, 26 matches for Queensland, 39 Tests for Australia

Halfback: Andrew Johns (Newcastle)
125 matches, 11 matches for New South Wales, 15 Tests for Australia

Lock: Ben Kennedy (Newcastle, Manly)
126 matches, 11 matches for New South Wales, 16 Tests for Australia

Second Row: Gorden Tallis (Brisbane)
96 matches, 10 matches for Queensland, 10 Tests for Australia

Second Row: Nathan Hindmarsh (Parramatta)
221 matches, 16 matches for New South Wales, 20 Tests for Australia

Prop: Petero Civoniceva (Brisbane, Penrith)
210 matches, 25 matches for Queensland, 36 Tests for Australia

Hooker: Cameron Smith (Melbourne)
168 matches, 19 matches for Queensland, 14 Tests for Australia

Prop: Shane Webcke (Brisbane)
169 matches, 15 matches for Queensland, 23 Tests for Australia

Bench: Brad Fittler (Roosters)
129 matches, 8 matches for New South Wales, 12 Tests for Australia

Bench: Steve Price (Bulldogs, Warriors)
215 matches, 22 matches for Queensland, 13 Tests for Australia

Bench: Craig Ftizgibbon (Roosters)
228 matches, 11 matches for New South Wales, 16 Tests for Australia

Bench: Andrew Ryan (Bulldogs)
243 matches, 12 matches for New South Wales, 11 Tests for Australia

Coach: Craig Bellamy (Melbourne)
1* Premiership, Four Grand Finals, New South Wales coach.

What I Hate About Patrick Smith This Week: A change of tack this week with all attacks being directed at that insufferable Melbourne snob Patrick Smith rather than that irrelevant Sydney gossip Rebecca Wilson. Smith, who spends the majority of his winters casually brushing over topics he knows little about in between, protecting Australian Rules football, has deigned the rugby league community with a commentary on our fine sport. He has chimed in to sink the boot into a sport he knows nothing about. It is usually the only time this fat git decides to talk a real football code. He calls the NRL “semi-conscious” and that every blow taken by the NRL “has been self inflicted” before dribbling on and on and on ad nauseum in his ever-painful column in The Australian. The NRL had over 100,000 people attend two matches last weekend including over 27,000 in Melbourne on AFL Grand Final day. It continues to have the best ratings across Australia under any proper measurement system that factors in regional centres. It owns two states along with New Zealand. Smith is such a dumb bastard that it is surprising nobody has stomped the dill into oblivion.

Watch It: For all intents and purposes, rugby league is over for me in 2009. I will watch the Grand Final but my heart won’t be in it. This was the year of the dog but the Chinese played some nasty prank and now apparently it is not. So for good humoured fun and a bit of old fashioned class, Letterman interviewing Dr. Hunter S. Thompson…insightful, amusing and just a little awkward. Part 1 and Part 2. Click Here and Click Here

TUNE IN EVERY SUNDAY TO SOUTHERN FM IN MELBOURNE AT 1:15PM TO HEAR NICK TEDESCHI TALK RUGBY LEAGUE ON SPORTSFANZ AND FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER TO GET ALL HIS LATEST THOUGHTS ON SPORT.