Season 2009: Round 4

From The Couch

Hit The Showers You Grub: Paul Gallen managed to sink his already filthy reputation further into the muck on the weekend when he hit Ben Roberts in the throat with a vicious elbow/forearm jolt off the ball. The Cronulla captain, at least for the meanwhile, has dually been cited and will spend at least two weeks on the sideline. That is exactly the kind of leadership Cronulla needed in these tough times when the side has been ravaged by injury and poor form. Gallen has just ensured he will not be selected as New South Wales captain while it would be surprising if Ricky Stuart kept him as the Sharks skipper.

Awful Orford: How Matt Orford won the Dally M Medal last season could be one of the greatest aberrations in the history of rugby league. His season to date has been abhorrent and he must accept most of the blame for what is wrong with Manly this season. He is offering the Eagles nothing. His kicking game is pathetic, his direction is non-existent, his leadership is laboured and his defence is wretched. Orford sits 8th in the NRL with missed tackles, has only two try assists and one line break assist and has done nothing to get underperforming players like Anthony Watmough and Chris Bailey to play well. Manly would be well served in letting him go elsewhere in 2010.

The Round of the Penalty Goal: Round four was a wonderful weekend for the penalty goal with fourteen penalty goals attempted. Twelve of those landed with Craig Fitzgibbon, Michael Gordon and Mat Rogers all slotting three apiece. Captains are too quick to dismiss the option of the penalty goal these days. As was shown over the weekend, teams that take the points when they are on offer win games. The Roosters, Penrith and the Gold Coast all recorded big wins on the back of the penalty goal. Other teams should take their lead.

Meaningless Field Goal of the Year: Terry Campese endeared himself even further to this author with a meaningless field goal in the dying moments of the Canberra-North Queensland match on Monday night. Campese, an obvious appreciator of the pointless drop goal, slotted a one-pointer with two minutes remaining to put the Raiders up 23-18. The extra point served no purpose other than to amuse Campese. God bless you, son. That and that alone should ensure he gets the Blues number six jersey this season.

Coaching Move of the Weekend: Wayne Bennett pulled a rarely used move in choosing to take on the Brisbane Broncos with only fifteen men. Bennett started the match with six running forwards and Dean Young at halfback/dummy half and his personnel decisions only got more entertaining when at full-time he still had two fresh men warming the pine. Matthew Head, originally named as the starting halfback last Tuesday, was not required. Neither was Trent “The Merkin” Merrin, the young Dragon who was named to make his top grade debut. Benny has all the moves and running with fifteen men is a throwback to the late eighties, about the last time such a ploy was used. Kudos, Wayne, kudos.

Horrible Coaching Decision of the Weekend #1: Manly coach Des Hasler not only selected Shane Neumann to play first grade but moved him into the centres. He was rewarded with 55 metres, 4 missed tackles and an error.

Horrible Coaching Decision of the Weekend #2: New Bulldogs coach Kevin Moore is a king among men and the heir apparent to the Chris Anderson legacy but his decision to play Matt Utai as a backrower, if only for four minutes, was highly regrettable.

Rumour of the Week: Karmichael Hunt will play at Canterbury next season. The rumour mill is running wild that Hunt will either flee the NRL or will sign with Penrith or Canterbury. The strongest mail is that he will sign at the Bulldogs and play five-eighth. He has plenty of former teammates at the club and is looking for a fresh start. With the Bulldogs having plenty of cap room and the team on the verge of premiership contention, Canterbury have the room to sign Hunt while the Broncos fullback would find the club an attractive option. Don’t be surprised if this is announced sooner rather than later.

Fun Fact #1…34 players have played in the NRL this year with a first name for a last name.

Fun Fact #2…Rose George is the most amusing of these, closely followed by brothers Burt and Douglas Luke, Luke Issac, Rodney Shane, Perry Josh (P.I), Kirk Aidan and Glenn Alex.

Fun Fact #3…3 NRL players have hyphenated names: Tom Learoyd-Lars, Shaun Kenny-Dowell and Frank-Paul Nuuisala.

Fun Fact #4…There has never been a great athlete with a hyphenated name.

Coaching Stocks:

Value	LY	Coach	Comment
5.0	5.0	Wayne Bennett	He is quickly becoming a messiah in southern Sydney with the Dragons playing tougher than at any point in their life.
4.5	5.0	Craig Bellamy	A shocking home loss to the Titans where they looked flat and disinterested. Bellamy needs to fix a struggling attack.
4.5	4.0	Brian Smith	The Knights are flying despite injuries. Their commitment in defence and strength in attack are excellent.
4.5	3.0	John Cartwright	The Titans are actually flying and the Storm win was their biggest ever. And to do so without Prince was a huge plus.
4.0	4.5	Ivan Henjak	The Broncos are 3-1 but Henjak failed to get his baby Broncos ready for Bennett and the Dragons. It was a bad loss.
4.0	3.5	Kevin Moore	The Bulldogs are 3-1 under the new Ando with the team playing with commitment and intelligence.
3.5	4.0	Ivan Cleary	The Warriors are letting 2009 slip. The Souths game was their for the taking but some shoddy attack let Souths back in.
3.0	3.5	Neil Henry	Must be very disappointed the Cowboys couldn’t get up against his old team. The same old problems persist up north.
3.0	3.5	Tim Sheens	Had every opportunity to down the lowly rated Penrith but defence again proved costly. Needs to toughen his team up.
3.0	2.5	Jason Tayler	The Bunnies sit atop the table despite the best efforts of Taylor. Winning is the only thing that counts at Souths though.
2.5	3.0	Daniel Anderson	The Eels attack is insipid and their defence against the Roosters wasn’t much better. The next month will decide his fate.
2.0	1.5	David Furner	Furner got his first win of the weekend and did so on the back of an exciting brand of football. He should be just fine.
1.5	2.5	Des Hasler	Manly have gone from bad to worse and questions have to be asked of Hasler's tactics, selections and coaching ability.
1.0	1.5	Ricky Stewart	If the Sharks had any money, Stuart would be close to gone. The Sharks are playing awful and dull football.
1.0	0.5	Brad Fittler	The Roosters muscled up against the Eels and dominated them in all facets. A pressure relieving win.
0.5	0.0	Matt Elliot	Another win has the Panthers 2-2 with Elliott now virtually assured of seeing out the season. 2010 is questionable though.

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 4: Brisbane-St. George-Illawarra, 12-25. It was a highly anticipated match with Wayne Bennett returning to Brisbane for the first time since leaving the Broncos. It was master against apprentice, the sensei taking on the student. The match certainly lived up to its billing with some exciting end-to-end football combined with some bone jarring defence. Wendell Sailor showed he still has something to offer, Jamie Soward repaid the faith Wayne Bennett has shown in him and Ben Creagh showed he is an Origin must. It was a tough and exciting game and one that was a credit to both teams and both coaches.

The Parentage of Scott Bolton: Scott Bolton is the bastard child of Jason Ryles and Luke O’Donnell. Never mind the fact that Ryles was seven and O’Donnell was five when Bolton would have been conceived and never mind the fact that it would take an Arnold Schwarzenegger-Danny De Vito Junior situation for it to occur, one look at Bolton’s on-field stupidity and grubbery confirms he is a descendant of Ryles and O’Donnell. In the space of two minutes last night, Bolton dropped a ball and gave away two penalties. He niggles, he yaps and he has no sense of decency. Scott Bolton, the Queensland Cup is surely calling.

Beard Watch: Adam Cuthbertson is obviously a loyal reader of From The Couch with the burly Manly backrower clearly taking to heart criticism in these pages about his undermining of The Prospector Beard with his headgear. Cuthbertson dually shaved his beard off after a week of seemingly great soul-searching. Not all facial hair was lost, however, with Cuthbertson seeking to endear himself to this writer with a monster moustache sitting full and thick on his upper lip. It was a ‘stache in the style of “The Chief” from the Beastie Boys’ Sabotage and was a grand reminder of how enjoyable facial hair can be. Cuthbertson is still wrong in keeping the headgear with the prospector beard but it is more than acceptable with a novelty moustache.

The Colin Best Express Fan Revue: The Colin Best Express is homesick and wishes he was still running wild in the chilly winds of Canberra Stadium rather than having to deal with Jason Taylor, the Dunce of Coaches. CBE is a free running gazelle. At Souths, he is caged. Free CBE…for the good of us all.

What Did Shane Rodney Do This Week? Shane Rodney made a miraculous comeback for the Eagles and actually managed to get some decent game time this week. He will now wrap himself in cotton wool and pray to his deity of choice that any misfortunes avoid him until at least Friday.

Record Breaking Raiders: The Canberra Raiders broke a long-standing rugby league record on Monday night when four of their starting thirteen wore headgear onto the field. Skipper Alan Tongue, fringe backrower Nigel Plum, newcomer Jarrod “Baby Toots” Croker and debutant Josh Dugan all ran out with padded heads against North Queensland, giving the team a touch under 33% of headgeared personnel. It is believed to be the most number of headgears worn by a single team since 1941 when the entire Eastern Suburbs team are believed to have attempted to emulate their skipper Dave Brown and worn headgear. Those were the days before records were kept, however, and as far as the headgear history book is concerned, the Raiders are the new kings of headgear. From The Couch is pleased to report no Raider suffered a neck or head injury.

Thems Were The Days: There have been some amusing field goals kicked in the long and storied history of rugby league but none quite as laughable as the one Terry Lamb kicked at Belmore Oval on a sun-drenched Sunday afternoon against the Newcastle Knights back in 1992. It was round 14 and Canterbury were sitting just outside the top-five by a win with Newcastle only two points ahead of them. It was a must win game for the Bulldogs who had recovered from an awful start to the season to win three games and draw one of their previous five encounters. The match was a tough and hard fought contest that saw Canterbury outscore the Knights two tries to one but it was the boot of John Schuster that had Newcastle leading 12-10 with less than two minutes remaining. The Bulldogs were attacking hard, running towards the railway end of Belmore, when Lamb casually stepped back and kicked a drop goal. The crowd was silent in amazement. Lamb turned around and raised his arms. In his mind, he had secured victory for the Bulldogs. The scoreboard said otherwise, however. It read Newcastle 12, Canterbury 11 and the clock was down to less than a minute. Lamb had mistaken the score and kicked the Dogs to a point behind. Canterbury received the ball with about thirty seconds remaining but it was too late by then. The Dogs had lost, amazingly, by a single point. It was a field goal that has lived on in infamy at Belmore. Newcastle ended up finishing fourth before being eliminated by St. George 3-2 in the minor semi-final while the Bulldogs missed the finals by three measly points. Field goals don’t come much odder than Lamb’s beauty at Belmore some seventeen years back.

Fantasy Team of the Week:

1. K.Gidley (New)
2. M.Gordon (Pen)
3. B.Scott (Stg)
4. J.Hodges (Brs)
5. J.McManus (New)
6. J.Sutton (Sou)
7. M.Herbert (Can)
13. P.Gallen (Cro)
12. A.Ryan (Bul)
11. T.Waterhouse (Pen)
10. R.Packer (War)
9. R.Farah (Tig)
8. L.Bailey (GC)

Geurie Greens Update: The Geurie Greens tremendous run of form continued this week with a record 310 point victory over inaugural FFL premiers Ardlethan. The victory broke the one-week record of Geurie’s biggest ever win. The Greens were led by Jamie Soward and Luke Bailey, both of whom knocked up centuries. Huge scores to David Stagg, Michael Jennings, Sam Perrett and Ben Creagh also helped contribute to an historic win. Josh Dugan debuted for the club with the young Canberra fullback sure to prove a valuable asset for the Greens over the coming months.

What I Hate About Rebecca Wilson: When The Daily Telegraph sent their sports editor Phil Rothfield into cyberspace to blog about alcohol in rugby league and the need for the NRL to get tough on players caught drinking, Rothfield was asked a question by your author: Are News Limited employees, namely writers who are considered role models to aspiring journalists, held to the same level of accountability that News holds rugby league players to? If so, can you detail the punishment given to your co-columnist Rebecca Wilson after she was found guilty of numerous driving offences including drink driving?” He refused to answer. She is a protected species and it is one of the great disgraces of the world.

Watch It: The Best of Mad About You DVD. One of the most charming sitcoms ever, Mad About You held a cast of the most endearing characters. Paul’s dad Burt is television’s greatest grandfather. Paul’s cousin Ira is a delightful scallywag. And everyone was a little in love with Jamie. Mad About You. Watch it.