Season 2010: Round 15

From The Couch

 

Ben Barba Must Start for Canterbury: The time has come for Kevin Moore to suck it up and start Ben Barba. Barba was arguably the man of the match on a losing team on Friday night when he set a lifeless Bulldogs team who had fallen behind the Titans 24-6 on fire and very nearly led the Bulldogs to an incredible comeback victory. In 35 minutes of action, Barba scored two tries and set up another, ran for 137 metres on eight carries, broke the line once, had two line break assists and three offloads. He was electric, finally getting a limp and insipid Bulldogs attack into high gear. Ben Barba simply has to start in place of the talentless Blake Green or the rock-headed Ben Roberts. The Bulldogs season has all but slipped away thanks to the decision not to start Barba. The time has come. He may not be ready for 80 minutes but he is going to have to be one day so now is the time to start pushing him. A missed tackle here or an error there are an acceptable price to pay for an attack that may actually threaten to score a try.

 

Entertainment Plus: Anyone who says they would rather watch a game of soccer after being shown the Melbourne Storm’s 58-12 hatchet job on the North Queensland Cowboys is clearly an idiot of the highest order. The Storm scored some of the most brilliant tries ever likely to be seen on a rugby league field. It was a thing of true beauty. Greg Inglis only played the first half but scored a 100 metre intercept try as well as setting up Justin O’Neill for one of O’Neill’s three tries. O’Neill nearly had four when staging a magnificent leap but he landed out of bounds. Billy Slater scored a double, both off chip kicks. The first was off Cronk as Slater showed his sheer speed to beat lazy Cowboys fullback Shannon Gallant to the ball first, tapping it up and then scoring under the sticks. The second came off a penalty tap. Cameron Smith tapped, kicked ahead and watched Billy Slater win the race to the ball. It was a display of rugby league genius by a club with nothing to lose against a gutless and selfish outfit who did not want to be there.

State of Origin III Team (The Way it Should Be):

1. Josh Dugan
2. Jarryd Hayne
3. Michael Jennings
4. Josh Morris
5. Brett Morris
6. Jamie Soward
7. Mitchell Pearce
13. Chris Heighington
12. Anthony Laffranchi
11. Nathan Hindmarsh ©
10. Michael Weyman
9. Robbie Farah
8. Kade Snowden

14. Luke Lewis
15. Paul Gallen
16. Luke Douglas
17. Aiden Tolman

Attacking talent is needed out wide. A new generation of prop forwards needs to be bought in to add some grunt. Hard working backrowers need to be rewarded. This side most likely won’t win game three but that doesn’t matter because this is about the future.

State of Origin III Team (The Way it Will Be):

1. Jarryd Hayne
2. Timana Tahu
3. Michael Jennings
4. Jamie Lyon
5. Brett Morris
6. Trent Barrett
7. Mitchell Pearce
13. Paul Gallen ©
12. Ben Creagh
11. Nathan Hindmarsh
10. Michael Weyman
9. Robbie Farah
8. Brett White

14. Kurt Gidley
15. Luke Lewis
16. Anthony Watmough
17. Tom Learoyd-Lars

The Blues selectors will get suckered into picking Timana Tahu despite the fact he not only isn’t wanted in the team but should never have been selected in the first place. For some reason those same fools will likely stick with the retiring Trent Barrett. I expect few changes to the forwards despite the fact the Blues got smashed. How Tom Learoyd-Lars keeps his spot I will never know but I don’t see him getting dropped.

Bob Fulton Needs to Be Put Out to Pasture: In an interview with the Daily Telegraph’s Phil Rothfield, Blues selector Bob “Bozo” Fulton said “I have never quit on unfinished business in my life and I won’t start now.” He also said “there was little or no criticism after the selection of the side for game one.” Somebody needs to put this old broken-down fool out to pasture before he is taken behind the screen and shot. He obviously has no idea. He must live in an ivory tower to not note the criticism of the team prior to game one while he clearly just cannot accept that he is not good enough for the job of selecting the team. Somebody finish his career and soon. Let him spend all his time lounging in Hawaii.

Timana Tahu: The state of New South Wales seems to be divided over whether Timana Tahu should be included in the Blues Origin III team. It is this writer’s opinion that he should not. And it has nothing to do with his walkout on the team before Origin II though his actions left many in the team feeling a sense of abandonment and subsequent resentment. Tahu should not have been chosen in the first place to play Origin this year. He should have been barred from representative football for defecting to rugby union and at any rate, he is not one of the best available centres, he is not a winger and his style of play is not what is required by the Blues. He should consider himself lucky to have been picked for two games. It would be terribly disappointing if he was selected for game three on the basis of selectors feeling obliged to pick him in the face of accusations of racism.

Sugar Shane: Shane Rodney may be one of the great underrated kickers in the NRL. Rodney kicked 4 from 4 against Souths on Saturday night including a number from the sideline. That takes his season tally to 8 from 8 and his career tally to 18 from 20. He has not missed a shot at goal in the NRL since Round 3, 2004 when he hit 2 from 4 in Penrith’s 42-22 win over the Warriors. His streak of consecutive goals is currently 15. Our boy is really making a name for himself in the most unexpected of areas.

Willie M Medal Voting: The Raspberries of the rugby league world…

Queensland-New South Wales	3-Matt Cooper (NSW)
	2-Joel Monaghan (NSW)
	1-Luke O'Donnell (NSW)
Brisbane-Penrith	3-Nick Kenny (Bri)
	2-Josh Hoffman (Bri)
	1-Darren Lockyer (Bri)
Canterbury-Gold Coast	3-Brett Kimmorley (Bul)
	2-Luke Patten (Bul)
	1-Blake Green (Bul)
Melbourne-Cowboys	3-Matt Bowen (Cow)
	2-Steve Rapira (Cow)
	1-Ben Harris (Cow)
Manly-Souths	3-Dave Taylor (Sou)
	2-Tony Williams (Man)
	1-Roy Asotasi (Sou)
Cronulla-Dragons	3-Tim Smith (Cro)
	2-Dean Collis (Cro)
	1-Anthony Tupou (Cro)
Tigers-Canberra	3-Bronson Harrison (Can)
	2-Lote Tuqiri (Tig)
	1-Josh McCrone (Can)
Newcastle-Parramatta	3-Ben Rogers (New)
	2-Jarryd Hayne (Par)
	1-Zeb Taia (New)
Leaderboard	13-Chris Sandow (Sou)
	12-Preston Campbell (GC), Scott Dureau (New), Josh McCrone (Can), Joseph Tomane (GC)
	11-Brett Kimmorley (Bul)
	10-Trent Barrett (Cro), James Maloney (War), Mark Minichiello (GC), Carl Webb (Cow)
	9-Todd Carney (Roo)
	8-Greg Bird (GC), Ben Farrar (Man), Blake Green (Bul), Eric Grothe (Par), Denan Kemp (War)

 

Thanks to Flash for providing the Manly-Souths votes. Embarrassingly, I was at a gig surrounded by a bunch of weak-legged, single speed bike riding, stupid haircut having, Bill Cosby jumper wearing hipsters…a loathsome type if ever I have met one.

Ten Things in Rugby League I Hate More than Hipsters: And bear in mind that I consider hipsters the most painful, attention-seeking, self-loving group of people in the world. Why can’t hipsters ever stand up? They always seem to be sitting around, at concerts, in gutters, on the sides of couches and stairs and any inner-city grassland. Why do they have to dress like such complete douchebags? They combine tight black jeans and multi-coloured knit sweaters with thick scarves and Ray-Bans and ridiculous haircuts that often involves two different styles for two separate portions of the head. Anyway, ten things in rugby league that I hate more than hipsters.

10	The lack of a preseason competition and/or sevens tournament.
9	Betting shops no longer offering player exotic markets.
8	Soft forwards who play on the fringe and never do any work.
7	Jason Taylor: in any and every capacity.
6	No Saturday afternoon rugby league.
5	Channel Nine having the free-to-air rights.
4	The political intransigence which is holding up an independent commission.
3	The Melbourne Storm playing for no premiership points.
2	The current video refereeing system. A challenge system is required.
1	The New South Wales selectors.

 

The Double Field Goal: I did not think it was possible for me to love Trent Hodkinson any more. He is a creative, hard working, mature halfback who was widely praised in this column before being selected for City Origin and then signing with the Bulldogs. Combined with a critical role in the Geurie Greens 2010 campaign, he has become a matinee idol in these parts. The legend just grew on Saturday night when Hodkinson became the first player in over four years to slot two field goals in the one match as he drove Manly to a memorable 26-25 victory over Souths. Both were outstanding shots with the winner coming with a minute on the clock and from 35 metres out. Trent Hodkinson, From The Couch could not adore you any more.

Fun Fact #1: Trent Hodkinson was the first person to kick two field goals in a match since Ben Hornby in Round 13 2006, to this day Hornby’s only two career field goals.

Fun Fact #2: Braith Anasta is the only other person in the last ten years to kick two field goals in a match when he kicked two against Melbourne in the 2003 finals series.

Fun Fact #3: In the last twenty years, 13 players on 16 different occasions have kicked multiple field goals in a single match. Those players are: Trent Hodkinson (Manly), Ben Hornby (Dragons), Braith Anasta (Bulldogs), Jason Taylor (Norths), Craig Field (Balmain), Craig Polla-Mounta (Bulldogs), Jason Ferris (Cowboys), John Simon (Parramatta), Laurie Daley (Canberra), Ricky Stuart (Canberra), Andrew Walker (Roosters), Andrew Johns (Newcastle) and Noel Goldthorpe (Dragons).

Fun Fact #4: Jason Taylor, Noel Goldthorpe and Andrew Walker are the only three players who have kicked multiple field goals in a single match twice in the last twenty years.

Fun Fact #5: Only two players in the last twenty years have kicked three field goals in a match: John Simon in Round 17, 19997 against Manly and Jason Taylor in the 1997 finals series against the Roosters.

Power Rankings:

Rank	Team	Record	Last Week	High	Low
1	Dragons	11-3	1	1	2
2	Penrith	9-4	2	2	11
3	Gold Coast	9-5	4	2	6
4	Souths	7-7	3	2	16
5	Manly	8-6	7	2	10
6	West Tigers	8-5	5	3	8
7	Brisbane	7-7	6	6	15
8	Warriors	6-7	9	7	13
9	Parramatta	6-7	8	3	13
10	Roosters	7-6	10	4	11
11	Canberra	5-8	11	9	15
12	Canterbury	3-10	12	5	12
13	Cronulla	4-9	13	12	15
14	Newcastle	5-8	15	10	15
15	Cowboys	4-10	14	12	15
*	Melbourne	9-5	*	*	*

Where the Melbourne Storm Would Be If: The Storm would be third on the ladder if they were not tossed out of the NRL this season. The Storm also would not be nearly as entertaining as their focus on attacking football is a sight to behold. It is also doubtful Brett Finch would have a toe-poke conversion to his name in 2010 either.

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 15: Manly-South Sydney, 26-25. It was a brilliant weekend of footy. On Friday night the Titans put up a big lead on the well backed Bulldogs before Ben Barba ignited the Bulldogs and only a Greg Bird mongrel field goal separated the two at the final siren. Melbourne were simply breathtaking in whipping the Cowboys from pillar to post with some brilliant attacking football on Saturday night. The Tigers and the Raiders fought out a real dandy in front of a packed Leichardt Oval on Sunday while the Sharks-Dragons match was a defensive struggle of a high standard. It was the Johnny Drama classic at Brookvale, however, that gets the money and is a red hot runner for match of the year honours. The game started off in Manly’s favour with Ben Farrar putting Steve Matai over in the 6th minute with a nice jinking run before Issac Luke scored two tries in three minutes to put the Bunnies up 12-6 after 20 minutes. Then there was a happening as rare as Halley’s Comet: a 120kg prop forward beating four in the tackle, running 30 metres before drawing the fullback and sending a cut-out ball onto the chest of an unmarked Steve Matai. That 120kg prop was George Rose and it had to be seen to be believed with the Kelso boy sending tremors throughout the Northern Beaches reported to be near 5.5 on the Richter Scale. The scores were tied 12-12 just before the break when Chris Sandow slotted a cheeky field goal, much to the pleasure of all those on the Bunnies at half-time in half/full doubles. Manly pull one out of the bag to start the second half with a short kick and Matt Ballin scores soon afterwards to send Manly up 18-13 and a Tony Williams try on 58 minutes gave Manly a 24-13 lead. The momentum quickly turns, however, with a weaving Rhys Wesser try three minutes later and a converted Chris Sandow four-pointer six minutes after that put Souths in front 25-24. Souths then had all the ball in the last ten minutes but disallowed tries to Nathan Merritt and Issac Luke meant no extension of the lead. Exciting Eagles halfback Trent Hodkinson took full advantage. Hodkinson kicks two field goals in three minutes including a shot from 35 metres to win the match. It was a thrilling, high quality, momentum swinging affair. It was an absolute bottler and one for the ages with all you could ask for in a footy match. And it was the complete opposite of Monday night’s Parramatta-Newcastle match, a match so horrible that it is a genuine contender for worst match of the NRL era. The game had few redeeming qualities.

Rumour File: As stated in From The Couch first, Mark Gasnier will be returning to the Dragons. Gasnier has reportedly reached an agreement with his former club and will be turning out for the Dragons as soon as next weekend. The announcement of his signing will be made this week though due to the match payment element of his contract it is being held off until as close to the June 30 deadline as possible. Neil Henry will be lucky to survive the year if reports coming out of North Queensland are correct. Henry and Thurston are reportedly on about the same terms the French soccer team are with their coach with the majority of players opposed to Henry and his vicious and personal tirades. There seems little doubt after their spineless effort on Saturday night against the Storm that Henry has lost the dressing room though he shouldn’t be totally to blame as his pack is simply not putting in. Luke O’Donnell is one player who will be leaving next year with the Sharks and Knights favourites for his “services” while underperforming prop Antonio Kaufusi may be at Newcastle as early as next week. The rumour mill has it that Bulldogs hooker Michael Ennis and coach Kevin Moore had a standup row at half-time of the Bulldogs-Titans match after Ennis refused to come off when Moore tried to inject Ben Barba into the game. All is not well behind the scenes at Canterbury. Four Corners reportedly have a story in the works on salary cap breaches that covers three clubs. Two of those clubs are the Gold Coast Titans and the South Sydney Rabbitohs. The extent of the allegations is unknown. Canberra Raiders fans can look forward to the return of an old boy next year with Brett Finch likely headed home to where it all began. The Raiders are in desperate need of a halfback and a hooker and Finch is an old head who is a perfect fit for the Raiders.

Paul Gallen Has a Tramp Stamp: One of the more ugly moments of Origin II was the pantsing of Paul Gallen that revealed, of all things, that the Sharks enforcer has a tramp stamp. Luckily, the cameras did not get close enough to show us the intricacies of the tattoo but my guess is that it was a tattoo draped in barbed wire with Japanese writing he believes says “Warrior” but actually says “Shallow-fried chicken knuckles in soy sauce.”

Coaching Stocks:

Wayne Bennett [5] Missing some big names but the Dragons still got the job done. Consistency and defence brilliant.

Craig Bellamy [4.5] No doubt his stock has been harmed by Origin but Saturday night was something else attack wise.

Matt Elliott [4.5] Penrith look the real deal. Elliott had Penrith switched on and they won on the back of hustle.

John Lang [3.5] Went down to Manly at Brooky but only by a single point in what was a game neither should lose.

John Cartwright [3.5] Titans showed plenty of guts to win without Bailey, Harrison, Preso and Prince. Huge victory.

Des Hasler [3] Got out of town against the Bunnies in a classic. Did so with injured Lyon. Righted the ship.

Tim Sheens [3] Handled the bye well and then rode the Leichardt crowd to victory. Sneaking under the radar.

Brian Smith [2.5] BYE

Ivan Henjak [2] Brisbane were very disappointing at home to Brisbane. Origin excuses but still lack of effort.

Daniel Anderson [1] An inexcusable loss to the Knights. Were the better team but refused to go for the kill.

Kevin Moore [1] Dogs went down to a Titans team without Prince. Needs to start Barba to stop a riot.

David Furner [0.5] Raiders turned in a mighty performance against the Tigers. Logan injury hurt immensely.

Ivan Cleary [-1.5] BYE

Rick Stone [-1.5] An undeserved victory but a victory nonetheless. Needs to move Gidley to 6 and McDonnell to 1.

Neil Henry [-2.5] Should be embarrassed by the effort put in by Cowboys against the Storm. Tenuous position.

Ricky Stuart [-3.5] Sharks put up a big game against Dragons. A touch unlucky. Classy of Stuart not to go after Archer

Exchanges with Fisk:

Fisk on the NSW selectors: “Well, they fucked it up again. How do these idiot selectors keep fucking it up?

Tedeschi on Fisk betting Queensland: “Good work getting off the Blues.”

Fisk in response: “Don’t worry about that. I’m off ‘em alright.”

Fisk on NSW: “My three main changes are new selectors and management, Gus to coach and Robbie (Farah, presumably, and not McCormack) to rake and captain.”

Tedeschi in response: “Agreed though Ando should be coach and Hindmarsh skipper.”

Fisk in response: “That’s fine. We just need to be rid of Bellamy, Gidley and Ennis. Why can’t Ennis just pass the ball/”

Tedeschi in response: “Ennis doesn’t realise his own limitations in talent.”

The Queanbeyan Kangaroos 2010 Campaign: The Kangaroos put the Yass Magpies to the slaughter on Saturday when molesting the winless Yass Magpies 78-12 at Freebody Oval. The Kangaroos continued their march to their first premiership since 1985 with a right bollocking of the hapless Magpies as Aaron Gorrell led the Pride of Queanbeyan to the biggest win of the Canberra Raiders Cup season. The Kangaroos ran in an amazing 16 tries with Travis Robinson scoring six, including five in the first half, before putting his winger Adam Misios over for five tries in the second half. Kangaroos President Mark “Boof” Nicholls said about Robinson, brother of Canberra flyer Reece: “I’ve no doubt that if he wanted to be a tad greedy or selfish he could have hit double figures.” Captain-coach Aaron Gorrell finished the day with 18 points after a try and 7 from 16 off the boot in gale-like conditions. Pat Matulino had another big game while new recruit Reggie Saunders was brilliant. Losses to Gungahlin and rivals Queanbeyan Blues have the Queanbeyan Kangaroos in second place three premiership points clear of third placed Goulburn Workers. Scholars lead the premiership by a single point over the Kangaroos.

Obscure Score of the Week: Salford 22-Castleford 28. A Super League score is not so obscure but be sure and certain: this was a weird game. The peak of the weirdness came with a Dean Widders hat-trick for Castleford. The former Roosters, Parramatta and Souths player scored a first half hat-trick including a double in the first five minutes. I am not quite sure what to make of Widders first career hat-trick. It is not often you see a fat, lazy ball-playing reserve land three meat pies in 40 minutes but so it came to pass in the Castleford-Salford clash as Dean Widders turned in possibly his first ever man-of-the-match performance.

Stats from the Penguin: Ben Pomeroy made a shock return to the NRL this week and turned in a somewhat decent performance after getting his pinky finger stitched up, an injury that kept him out for well over a month. In the 18 jersey he played reasonably competently, not dropping the ball once. Alas, his return disappointed the 116 members of the Facebook group “BEN POMEROY IS HOPELESS” who were in raptures over his absence.

Fantasy Team of the Week:

1. Nathan Gardner (Cro)
2. Matt Duffie (Mel)
3. Beau Scott (Dra)
4. Kyle Stanley (Dra)
5. Brett Morris (Dra)
6. Brett Finch (Mel)
7. Chris Sandow (Sou)
13. Corey Parker (Bri)
12. Mark Minichiello (GC)
11. Anthony Laffranchi (GC)
10. James Tamou (Cow)
9. Issac Luke (Sou)
8. Nathan Cayless (Par)

Waiver Wire Advice: Dragons big bopper Trent Merrin looks a likely type and is really starting to turn into quite a handy fantasy player. Leading into last weekend’s clash with Cronulla, Merrin had hit 60-plus scores in three of his previous five matches. Against the Sharks he had a monster match where he had 18 runs and 31 tackles in a stoic 56 minutes. He is locked into the Dragons top seventeen and he is still fairly cheap at around $220k. He is a great bench pickup who can help in bye weeks.

Beard Watch: Due to the pitiful state of facial hair in the NRL this season, here are a few fun facts in regard the beard. The study of beards is called pogonology. Beards have, at various stages in history, have been a sign of wisdom, knowledge, sexual virility, masculinity and high social status. In Ancient Greece, to not have a beard was a disgrace and a sign of femininity and cowardice. Alexander the Great, the horrible beast, introduced the custom of smooth shaving. The Romans allowed their beards to grow in time of mourning. In the Middle Ages, holding someone else’s beard could only be righted by a duel. Sir Francis Drake, metaphorically, singed the King of Spain’s beard in 1587. That beard did not belong to Ashley Giles. In 1705 Peter the Great levied a tax on beards in Russia, an astounding setback for the beard. The nineteenth century was a hotbed for beards with facial hair more common than not in the era including most monarchs, statesmen and cultural figures. Abraham Lincoln was the first American President to have facial hair and between him and Taft every President had facial hair with the exception of Johnson and McKinley. Rutherford B. Hayes has the longest beard of any President. Benjamin Harrison was the last President to sport a full beard. Airline pilots are often prohibited from growing a beard. All civil employees in Gunma prefecture in Japan are prohibited from growing facial hair. Beards are banned in amateur boxing.

Lazy Long Bay Days, Part 16: After being picked on by guards and inmates alike, Chris is nearing breaking point. He isn’t sleeping. He isn’t eating. He is in constant fear. He then receives an offer he cannot refuse. “Boy” the Warden said to Houston. “You have a choice. You can stay in here and be spat on and shat on and raped and abused or you can help Johnny Law out. We need you to go undercover. You are going to be tapped and you are going to sell prescription drugs to Roosters players. Got that?”

Watch It: There is plenty of talk about bringing back the rugby league sprint for a one off event at Homebush later in the year but then NRL should seriously look at reintroducing the grand final relay. In 1986, as seen here, it was the under 18’s but these days they should be the fastest men in the NRL and Toyota Cup squads. Not many in the ’86 sprint kicked on though Steve Mavin endeared himself to Souths fans three years later with a match still remembered while Sean Townsend had a spell at the top with Manly. Click Here.

For what it is worth, here is my early market for the fastest man in rugby league to 100%:

 

Player	Price
Kevin Gordon (GC)	$ 9.00
Akuila Uate (New)	$ 9.00
David Mead (GC)	$10.00
Billy Slater (Mel)	$11.00
Kevin Locke (War)	$12.00
Michael Jennings (Pen)	$13.00
Josh Morris (Bul)	$14.00
Brett Stewart (Man)	$14.00
Brett Morris (Dra)	$14.00
Greg Inglis (Mel)	$16.00
Ben Barba (Bul)	$17.00
Jarryd Hayne (Par)	$17.00
Jharal Yow Yeh (Brs)	$26.00

 

Correspondence Corner: Regular reader and mad-keen penman Gil Dymock seemed to enjoy Origin II: “For a disinterested onlooker, the night provided the best theatre shown on television all year – all the better as the final result was exactly as predicted while the unfolding was exquisite in its terribleness. And just as the grimmest tragedies have to be leavened with humour, we were given the shot of Laurie Daley bouncing in ecstasy, fists clenched and mouth frothing, as Cameron Smith's attempted 40/20 went out on the full.” Gil, we don’t agree on much but we both seem to take great delight in watching Laurie Daley try to deceive the rugby league world yet get shown up for the hollow-skulled fool he is.