Season 2010: Round 3

From The Couch

Australia’s Most Amusing Comedian, Wayne Smith: Wayne Smith, chief rugby union writer at The Australian, will have few problems finding a career in comedy when forced to look for a job in the next few seasons when his sport of choice dies and the unemployment queue beckons. Smith wrote this Click Here highly amusing article in Saturday’s The Australian, a piece many would describe as one fine display of fiction writing, where he sent a “warning to league” before declaring that “the things that made rugby a threat to league a few years ago haven’t gone away and they haven’t changed.” He lists a whole raft of players including Matt Giteau, Quade Cooper, Scott Higginbotham, James O'Connor, David Pocock, Matt Toomua and Tatafu Polota-Nau and asserts, quite confidently, that “league would snap up all or any of those players”. That claim is the stuff of drug addled hallucinations. Nine out of ten diehard sports fans would not have heard of all bar Giteau and Cooper while not one would be on the radar of rugby league. Who the hell is Matt Toomua? If they were, they would have been signed. Not one current Wallaby would make the Kangaroos team. Very few would actually play first grade football. Garrick Morgan anyone? Rugby union just doesn’t attract or produce great athletes. He makes the argument that league should be worried about losing Johnathan Thurston but league constantly loses top notch players, most of who are quickly forgotten by the next season.

Smith is delusional. He fails to understand that the only reason rugby came even close to challenging league in anyway was a collection of circumstances like the Super League War and the introduction of professionalism in rugby (a flow on from the Super League War) that union was even in the same ballpark as league. As soon as the league picture settled down, the punters who had preferred league in Sydney for a century forgot about their brief dalliance with rugby and got right back to watching league. Rugby, as a game, has never competed seriously with league in Australia since league came to be in 1908. Rugby, simply, just isn’t that important and rugby’s high times have only come about because rugby league has shot itself in the foot. Rugby league fully controls the destiny of rugby union in Australia. If league continues to boom as it is now, union will no longer exist. They have tried everything from barring league players to paying huge money for them and nothing has worked. Their national club competition died after one. The Wallabies suck and have for a long time. Australian Super 14 teams play a dour style. The sport can’t even get a free-to-air television deal. Wayne Smith, call me. We have any number of wagers to make…

Busted Broncos: It may be a little premature to declare the Broncos 2010 season dead in the water but the sirens aren’t too far off sounding. Things are looking dire for the Broncos. They got pounded at home on a Sunday afternoon by a Warriors team who cannot win on the road and who were expected to finish bottom four by most experts. The most disappointing aspect was how quickly they threw the towel in. The going got tough in the heat with a couple of injuries but not one of their young players dug their heels in and fought. It was a miserable display. And now they must spend the next four weeks missing not only Justin Hodges but Israel Folau, Corey Parker and Denan Kemp. With their thin list of talent, an aging Darren Lockyer running the show and injuries to arguably their three most talented players, it is tough to see Brisbane fighting back. They have some talented youngsters but young teams lose on the road and if they can’t even fight at home in front of a big crowd then they will be fighting it out down the bottom of the ladder.

Thanks: A big thanks goes out to Jason Ryles. I made the trek out to Olympic Park to watch the Bulldogs hammer the Roosters and was pleasantly surprised to hear Jason Ryles was a late withdrawal. That means this year Ryles played competently in the opener, got heat stroke in game two and opted out in game three when the weather got warm. While I was a little sad that I would not get to sneer viciously at the parade of Jason Ryles errors, I do find his style of play an eyesore and declared him as a player to avoid watching preseason. I was lucky enough to have that wish come true.

The Latest Example of Ricky Stuart’s Genius: Moving untested halfback and Parramatta discard Albert Kelly to fullback for Monday night’s match against Souths. Kelly was tossed by Parramatta because of a bad attitude and the fact he did not develop. That, of course, meant he was a perfect fit under Ricky Stuart’s Cronulla. Stuart then threw him into the fullback role where he dropped or missed at least five bombs, many of which led directly to tries. Kelly was abysmal. Stuart’s decision to play him in the one was worse.

Congratulations: A shout-out to Orange boy James Maloney who scored three tries and scored 28 points, tying the Warriors club record, in his team’s rout of Brisbane in Brisbane on Sunday. Maloney may be a handy type. He has plenty of spirit and it is good to see another Orange half in the competition with Daniel Mortimer setting the NRL on fire last year.

Meaningless Field Goal Bonanza: Friday night was one for the books if you get your kicks from meaningless field goals with both games featuring the pointless one-pointer. In the early game (for Melbournians and Queenslanders, at any rate) Jamie Soward looked certain to take one before opting for a backline play. The play then came back where Soward jagged a long range field goal to put the Saints up 17-2 on the stroke of half-time. Benji Marshall did something similar in the Tigers-Eels contest, dropping a field goal to put the Tigers up 9-0. Marshall stepped out of dummy half after play was stopped for an injury and slotted it. Both Soward and Marshall had nothing on Penrith Toyota Cup player Ali Beale, however, when Beale nailed a field goal last week when the Panthers were down 34-4. That is one for the ages. Hoho. Keep your eye on Ali Beale, a true lover of the meaningless field goal.

Fun Fact #1: The Sydney Roosters have played 1,972 matches and their 60-14 loss to Canterbury on Sunday was only the second time the Roosters have conceded 60 points in a match.

Fun Fact #2: The only other time that occurred was in 1990 when Easts lost 66-4 to Canberra at Bruce Stadium.

Fun Fact #3: The Roosters had three coaches (Russell Fairfax, Hugh McGahan and Barry Reilly) that season, finishing 14th of 16th with only six wins.

Fun Fact #4: The Roosters had won two of their first four games before suffering that humiliating defeat to Canberra in 1990. This year the Roosters won their opening two. In 1990 Easts went on to win only four more matches.

Fun Fact #5: Tim Dwyer, who played 26 games and scored 6 tries for Manly and Easts in a three year career, scored Easts only try.

The Willie M Award: To honour those who refuse to contribute and those whose presence actually hurts their team…

 

Tigers-Parramatta:	3-Eric Grothe (Par)
	2-Justin Poore (Par)
	1-Ben Smith (Par)
Dragons-Cowboys:	3-Carl Webb (Cow)
	2-Michael Bani (Cow)
	1-Willie Mason (Cow)
Penrith-Melbourne:	3-Joseph Paulo (Pen)
	2-Luke Lewis (Pen)
	1-Hep Cahill (Mlb)
Manly-Newcastle:	3-Keith Lulia (New)
	2-Akuila Uate (New)
	1-Michael Robertson (Can)
Gold Coast-Canberra:	3-Troy Thompson (Can)
	2-Josh McCrone (Can)
	1-Terry Campese (Can)
Brisbane-Warriors:	3-Peter Wallace (Brs)
	2-Denan Kemp (Brs)
	1-Gerard Beale (Brs)
Bulldogs-Roosters:	3-Martin Kennedy (Roo)
	2-Braith Anasta (Roo)
	1-Todd Carney (Roo)
Cronulla-Souths:	3-Albert Kelly (Cro)
	2-John Morris (Cro)
	1-Chris Sandow (Sou)

Leaderboard:	7-Chris Sandow (Sou)
	6-Eric Grothe (Par)
	5-Denan Kemp (Bris), Albert Kelly (Cro)
	4-Terry Campese (Can), Willie Mason (NQ), M Robertson (Man)

 

Thanks to Boss and Sting for judging the early Sunday match and a couple of the Saturday matches. Boss is a Cronulla tragic whose immediate family goes for the Bunnies, Dragons, Sharks, Tigers and Cowboys meaning that in the last three decades the family has had one joyous year. Sting is worshipper of numbers who once retained Kevin Kingston in the FFL while releasing Greg Bird believing Bird may have been dying.

Rumour of the Week: There are a couple of big rumours doing the rounds this week. The first, and most surprising, is that Mark Gasnier will be back playing for the Dragons this season. Everyone has Gasnier going to the Melbourne Rebels Super 14 team but the mail is that Gasnier will be back in the centres for the Dragons. The club has room to move under the cap and they will take a boost to their attack. Gasnier is also believed to be missing Sydney. Johnathan Thurston was a lock to be playing in rugby in France next year until the Knights weighed in with a big offer. He is now reconsidering but will go wherever the big money is. Brisbane have big problems with Lagi Setu set to walk out on the club, Alan Langer stood down for drink driving and a key member of the training staff resigning. The Broncos are going to be in for a long year.

Power Rankings:

Rank	Team	Record	Last Week	High	Low
1	Dragons	3-0	1	1	2
2	Melbourne	3-0	2	1	2
3	Wests Tigers	2-1	6	3	6
4	Gold Coast	3-0	5	4	5
5	Canterbury	1-2	7	5	7
6	Parramatta	1-2	3	3	6
7	Manly	1-2	9	7	10
8	Warriors	2-1	13	8	13
9	Roosters	2-1	4	4	9
10	Penrith	1-2	11	9	11
11	Newcastle	1-2	10	10	11
12	Brisbane	1-2	8	7	12
13	Souths	1-2	16	13	16
14	Cowboys	1-2	12	12	14
15	Canberra	1-2	14	12	15
16	Cronulla	0-3	15	16	16

 

Game of the Year Nomination, Round 3: Canterbury-Roosters, 60-14. Probably not a real highlight if you are a Roosters fan but if you dig the Bulldogs, enjoy attacking rugby league or just like seeing those pricks from the Eastern Suburbs getting touched up then ANZ Stadium on Sunday afternoon was the place to be. The Roosters were molested. They were outhustled from the opening play when the Roosters sent the kickoff dead and then Mick Ennis tossed Nate Myles around like a schoolboy. It was a procession from then on. Josh Morris scored four tries. Ben Barba got a hat-trick in 25 minutes of action. Steve Turner and Jamal Idris both recorded doubles. The Bulldogs were dominant out of dummy half and used that space to put on some delightful backline moves against an inept Roosters team that raised the white flag before half-time. Josh Morris was the best on the field, slipping and sliding his way to four tries. Ben Roberts kick to Ben Barba had some shades of Bretnall to Gearin in the ’80 Grand Final though that may be wishful thinking and six Tooheys News that led me to such an opinion. It won’t be long before Barba is starting five-eighth. The General ran rampant and Jamal Idris showed some glimpses of the player he will become. A huge thrill if you were a Bulldogs fan. For the Roosters, Mitchell Pearce may have been the only one trying. They were quickly brought back to earth by a Bulldogs team that followed the old Dogs of War mantra. The Wok would have been proud. They even had some scrum moves. A perfect day at the footy.

Exchanges with Fisk:

Fisk on the Bulldogs: “The Dogs of War are back”

Tedeschi on the Roosters: “Wow. It didn’t take long for those assclowns to fall apart.”

Fisk on Benji Marshall: “In the top five players in the league. Definitely.”

Tedeschi on Benji: “Yeah, I don’t think so Fisk. Maybe we should put the scotch down and get a taxi home.”

Tedeschi on the Sharks-Bunnies match: “Who do you give the Willie M votes too?”

Fisk on the Sharks-Bunnies match: “Albert Kelly, all six. Seriously. Probably the most inept first grader since Paul Carige”

Coaching Stocks:

Craig Bellamy [5] The Storm are just buckling down and are worthy title favourites at this stage.

Wayne Bennett [5] The benchmark so far in 2010. Finally got attack to fire against Cowboys. Trotting along nicely.

Kevin Moore [4.5] Two opening round losses were quickly forgotten with a thumping of the Roosters. Top coaching.

Tim Sheens [4] A tough, finals-like win for the Tigers. Got them to bounce back well after flogging on short week.

John Cartwright [3.5] The Titans were again sturdy in defence and are winning when they are playing poorly.

Brian Smith [3] Humiliating defeat. Roosters appear to be turning on each other. Real Roosters may emerge now.

Daniel Anderson [3] The Eels struggled mightily without Mortimer. Attack looks well down on last year.

Des Hasler [2.5] Solid and much needed win by Manly. New halves will determine their season.

Rick Stone [2.5] Followed up two committed efforts with a shocker. Tough times ahead. Need to show more fight.

Matt Elliott [1.5] Gritty effort against Storm, particularly without Burns. Worries with team selection though.

Ivan Henjak [1.5] Embarrassing. Any more of those performances and Ivan could be looking for a job.

David Furner [1.5] I see no signs of improvement with Furner. Raiders were gritty but attack looks a joke.

Neil Henry [1] Smashed by the Dragons. His coaching future relies on the Cowboys re-signing Thurston.

John Lang [0.5] Did what was expected and smashed Sharks. May have bought himself a few more weeks.

Ivan Cleary [0] Huge win on the road. Warriors are a momentum team so he needs to build now.

Ricky Stuart [-2] 13 straight losses. Put Kelly at fullback. Signed Tim Smith. Running out of time and excuses.

Stats from the Penguin: Ricky Stuart, in one of the few signs that he does actually watch Sharks games, this week dropped Ben Pomeroy from first grade with Pomeroy also a late withdrawal from NSW Cup. One would hope he never plays again but the downside to that will be this hugely amusing column segment will quickly die. I can, however, live with that. Dean Collis went off after 14 minutes on Monday night, however, so a recall could be just around the corner.

Fantasy Team of the Week:

1. Lance Hohaia (War)
2. Steve Turner (Bul)
3. Josh Morris (Bul)
4. Matt Cooper (Dra)
5. Jason Nightingale (Dra)
6. Greg Bird (GC)
7. James Maloney (War)
13. Mark Flanagan (Tig)
12. Shane Rodney (Man)
11. Mark Minichiello (GC)
10. Brad Meyers (GC)
9. Issac Luke (Sou)
8. Nick Kenny (Brs)

Waiver Wire Advice: One sneaky backrow pickup for the low price of $88k is Tigers player Mark Flanagan. Flanagan averaged 35.5 over the first two rounds before turning in a quality game against the Eels when playing 50 minutes off the bench. He had a try assist and made 29 tackles in a sterling performance totalling 77 fantasy points. The young English player is only going to get better. An injury to Ellis, Heighington or Fulton and he will play 80 minutes. Another good pickup, I hate to say, could be Ben Teo. Teo is a dog of a player but has put up big numbers in the first three weeks and is likely to keep playing big minutes with all the injuries to the Broncos. At $235k he is value. There will be plenty of punters keen to jump into Tim Smith at a cheap price this week. Don’t bother. Smith is a dreadful fantasy half and he is joining a team with an inept attack. Don’t spend a cent on him.

Beard Watch: The facial hair shout out this week goes to Andrew Ryan. Ryan wasn’t sporting any facial hair in the Bulldogs demolition of the Roosters but I discovered that the photo that flashes up at every Bulldogs home game when teams are announced shows Bobcat with a brilliant Mexican moustache. He could well be a drug dealer or a cowboy. Nice hustle Rhino.

Lazy Long Bay Days, Part 4: Chris and Danny have been drifting apart, a result no doubt of Chris now being the prison bitch of a well-known bikie gang. Danny sees Chris walking into the dinner hall, head down: “Dude. Where have you been?” Houston raises his head and says nothing. His short hair has been plaited and put into pig-tails. His lips are smeared with lipstick. His tear stained eyes are black with eye shadow. Wicks does not know what to do. He mutters something and walks on by.

Watch It: Matthew Johns is back so it is timely that we look back on one of his finest characters, Percy Le Blanc. Le Blanc is the renowned referee from 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, “the greatest referee to ever control a game of rugby league” who lost the plot during the infamous Lidcombe Brawl and was lost to the game for life. That is until he made a comeback to help as the NRL moved to the two referee system. This is the beginning of Tim Sheridan’s look at the life and times of the three times sexiest man in the world, the man born with a whistle in his mouth, the singer, the actor, La Cobra, the man always donning the TNT t-shirt and the thick moustache, the legendary Percy Le Blanc. Watch all five parts of the Percy Le Blanc story, starting here. Click Here

Correspondence Corner: This week a Rohan Kendall from Annapolis, Maryland wrote to me, thanking me for my assistance with his bracket that has seen him win his office pool. No problem Rohan though I believe the correct spelling of Rohan has a W. Are you of Indian descent, perchance?

Rohan also let me know that he has been in touch with David Niu and reported back that Niu has been referring to rugby league simply as rugby. Come on Niu. You are doing an adequate job in pushing the game in the US but you should never lower the game of rugby league by calling it rugby.