The Inevitable Coronation of the Dark and Cowardly Prince: A Tale of Timidity, Abandonment, Desperation, Selfish Profiteering and Undeserved Redemption
The Brendan Nelson era is crashing to a halt at high velocity. His time in the sun is drawing to a close and nightfall looms heavily on the horizon. His demise was as imminent as the rotation of the globe and as obvious as a drunken dwarf from the moment he took the crown and scepter. His subsequent performance as Opposition Leader and the numbers he has been running have merely reinforced the initial reactions of most that he was nothing more than a patsy, a live rabbit for the dogs to rip and tear apart for The Greater Good.
It was somewhat noble of Nelson to undertake the brutal job though it is doubtful he was fully aware of the role he had been cast in. Politicians tend to have delusions of grandeur and often envisage themselves as capable of great deeds well in excess of their personal aptitude and political skill. Most only realise in their twilight years, and some not even then, that their own sense of self importance was inflated by an uncontrolled ego and life in the limousine lane. Very few are, in fact, capable of anything more than survival and most can’t even achieve that.
Nelson would have believed, when he took the reins, that he could bring the Liberal Party back from despair, picturing himself as a modern day Menzies who would rise from the ashes like a golden phoenix, dragging the Liberal Party on his broad shoulders from the desolation of defeat to the pearly gates of power. Few others had such faith. They knew Nelson would never succeed, could never succeed, in any tangible sense. He was the proverbial lamb sent to the slaughter, a sacrifice designed to save the souls (and reputations) of those remaining. If his throat wasn’t slit by Labor (and to date, it has not been as Laborites are pragmatic and have a great thirst for the slow and torturous death), it certainly would be by the Coalition. He would become a cross too heavy to bear.
That day of reckoning will soon arrive.
Panic has now taken a firm hold in the Liberal Party ranks and the cacophony of fear and desperation grows ever louder. There is an anxious need for salvation that is permeating through the opposition benches, a yearning for a redeemer and a protector that will guide them from a wilderness most are unaccustomed to.
Their proposed saviour is, seemingly, Peter Costello.
Rather than accepting their lot and looking to the future, the Liberal’s seem enthusiastic about taking the cheap option. Malcolm Turnbull is a man destined to lead the Liberal Party well into this century. Peter Costello is a remnant of yesterday, a tool of a Government that Australian voters, rightly or wrongly, rejected. Costello was given his opportunity and for reasons of self-interest and bitterness, passed it up. Turnbull is the future. Costello is the past. In the end, any decision to resurrect the political life of Peter Costello will most likely cost the Liberal Party one election and probably more.
The Liberal Party has always been prone to wild bouts of nostalgia. This tendency is even more prevalent after John Howard and his grand conquests in the face of certain political death. The heroes of yesteryear are always revered and even those with nothing more than minimal claims to greatness are elevated to stratospheres not even sighted, let alone walked, if they can be of some short-term assistance. Few organisations are as apt at rewriting history as the Liberal Party.
If the Liberal Party does crown Peter Costello, and it is seemingly inevitable that they will, the party will be nothing more than a rotting carcass for the next decade and maybe longer. It would be the worst political decision the Liberal Party has ever made.
In less than a year, the petulant and selfish behaviour of Peter Costello has been forgotten. Liberal Parliamentarians, based on nothing more than a News Limited push and some irrelevant polling that suggests Australians would prefer Costello in the leadership role than Nelson or Turnbull, have forgiven a decade of sins, sins so destructive that they have taken the Liberal Party from an almighty power to a joke less humorous than anything offered by Rove McManus.
Seemingly, years of destabilisation in order to achieve a bloodless handover of power has been forgotten. It is quite clearly no longer relevant that Costello, in the Liberal Party’s hour of need, refused to accept the party leadership. His glib and arrogant post-election disposition was, seemingly, nothing more than an apparition. He cannot really have acted in such a manner: such behaviour would warrant permanent expulsion, not a latter elevation to the top job. And never mind Costello’s renowned lack of work ethic, despite personal claims that he worked as hard and as long as Howard, and a decade of horrifying numbers in both the party room and the polls.
Peter Costello has never had the bottle, the popularity, the political skill or the work ethic to lead the Liberal Party. He is, without doubt, one of the most brilliant orators in modern politics with a brain as sharp as his wit. Those qualities don’t, however, make the nut. Leaders need intestinal fortitude, strength of character, an ability to establish and expand power bases. Most importantly, they must be perceived as loyal, to the party if nothing else. Why should we believe that the characteristics drawn out for all to see in nearly twenty years in the bright glare of the spotlight no longer exist? Why should we believe that this well-known public character has reinvented himself in less than a year? Only a desperate fool would buy that cheap tale.
Luckily for Costello, the Liberal Party is chock full of desperate fools at present and most are willing to sacrifice the long-term viability of the party in order to achieve a cheap nostalgia pop. The Liberal Party crying for Costello’s return is akin to the Dragons running out Wendell Sailor or Vince McMahon sending out The Honkeytonk Man and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan at the Royal Rumble.
Costello’s refusal to divulge his hand for reasons of personal profit show just how little he has changed. With the party stumbling around like a drunk sports writer in the throes of Mardi Gras, Costello refuses to speak on his future to ensure his soon-to-be-released tome sells well. Once again, Peter Costello acts in the interests of Peter Costello. The Liberal Party is nothing more than a vessel for his own personal glory.
There is little more depressing than seeing a coward rewarded. But that is the fate awaits us. The craven prince will be crowned king. It is inevitable, it would seem. Bettors and political junkies certainly think so. I have refused to believe it but deep down I know it is truth. That is why I have refused to take a wager against Costello, despite the fact I was offering fifties on him as late as March. Your instincts are rarely wrong, particularly when you have been in the belly of the beast and have a deep understanding of how desperate politicians act in times of crisis.
A spooky witch in a sexy dress must be mocking me. And you. And all of us. The Liberal Party has the opportunity to move forward, to allow the Turnbull era to begin. That opportunity will be forsaken, however, for a nostalgia-laden Peter Costello run that will only serve the drive the Liberal Party further into the oblivion of irrelevance.