The Mongrel Punter’s 10 Biggest Bogans
By The Mongrel Punter
WHO HAS the Mongrel Punter picked as the 10 biggest bogans for 2012? See the players as he has ranked them below.
THE TASK: You are charged with listing the 10 biggest bogans in the competition, based on what they have done previously and what they might be expected to do this year, on the proviso they are fit and true to form.
1. Justin Sherman: Turned up to the AFL’s most politically correct club and promptly disgraced himself with his red-neck ways, moccasins and Cold Chisel tunes on his iPhone. The highlight of his season came when he decided to racially taunt Nigerian-born Joel Wilkinson. We understand the Bulldogs are working on his makeover, but the task is large considering he arrived in Melbourne from Tasmania via Queensland. When it comes to bogan, Sherman is a Trojan.
2. Dean Brogan: Although in the twilight of his career, Brogan, a former No. 1 bogan, has been revitalised by his move to GWS. Brogan by name, bogan by nature, he is a big fan of bingo night in the Rooty Hill RSL. His passion for punch-ups in airports is certain to make him the toast of Blacktown in no time.
3. Alan Didak: Although his football prowess has diminished, he is still at the peak of his power when it comes to sucking on bourbon and cokes at the nudie bars of Melbourne’s King St. What does the future hold for 'Dids'? Well, nudie bars and more bourbon and cokes, of course
4. Travis Cloke: Like his father, David, Cloke has been a putative bogan over the years. But the Magpie power forward has rocketed into the top-10 list for 2012 after a string of driving offences. When it was recently revealed that he had been driving without a licence, Cloke said he had no idea the licence was disqualified (in the legal world, ignorance is often referred to as the ‘bogan defence’, but it doesn’t help you get off).
5. Ivan Maric: New to Richmond, big Ivan has kicked off 2012 with a classic mullet that would do most Hawthorn players from the late 1980s proud. With a smoke tucked behind the ear, he loves an aimless roam through shopping malls in his tracky-dacks and ugg-boots. Expect this former Crow to become a life member of the Tigers’ ‘Grog Squad’.
6. Heath Shaw: As a son of a Shaw, there was little hope for Heath to be anything else apart from a Collingwood bogan. In 2008 Heath was suspended for lying (after a drunken escapade with his brother, Rhyce, and ‘Dids’), and he returned to form last year with another suspension for betting on an AFL game. Some bookmakers have him at $1.90 to find a new way of getting suspended in 2012 – and Mongrel Punter understands Heath has a 50 on it.
7. Rhyce Shaw: Not even a different jumper can mask this son of a Shaw. See above but subtract his bogan-ness by one.
8. Kieren Jack: Just because he is the son of a rugby league legend, doesn’t mean he his automatically a bogan … but it does mean the odds are short ($3.50 with some bookmakers). Has to be admired for seeing the light and finding AFL, but the code can’t save him from the bogan in his DNA. Believed to be a pack of Horizons and a Bundy and Coke away from returning to his father’s game.
9. Stephen Milne: The veteran bogan has a knack of getting under everyone's skin and becomes more annoying with every goal he kicks. Safe to say no one likes him, not even his mother. The football community is awaiting his retirement and permanent move to Frankston.
10. Michael Hurley: There is nothing a bogan enjoys more than a big night on the bourbon and cokes, followed by a little spew in the taxi, then a bit of fisticuffs with a taxi driver when he asks for the fare. "You're rippin' me orrff," the bogan shouts on the street before deciding his point needs to be highlighted with a punch to the face. Bogans know cab drivers overcharge … and so does Hurley.
WHAT THE BOOKIES SAY:
PREMIERSHIP BETTING
Hawthorn is hot. The Hawks thus far account for more than 60 per cent of TABSportsbet's hold in the 2012 premiership market.
Betstar reports one bet of $8000 on Hawthorn at $7 plus several other four-figure wagers.
Out of the roughies, Sportingbet Australia reports interest in the Dockers, winding them in from $34 to $21.
TOP EIGHT
Huge bets on Carlton, including two of $50,000 (at $1.40 and $1.30) at TABSportsbet. The bookmaker says it has almost $200,000 on the Blues to play finals this year.
Betstar also reports large bets on Carlton, its biggest is $15,000 at $1.45 (now at $1.25).
COLEMAN MEDAL
Betfair says there is confidence in Hawthorn in every market, including the Coleman Medal, with Lance Franklin backed from $4.80 to $3.05 to be the hot favourite.
TABSportstbet says more than 50 per cent of the money in this market has come for Richmond spearhead Jack Riewoldt (at $7).
BROWNLOW MEDAL
There is ‘Buddy’ mania in the Brownlow as well. Franklin has shortened from $41 to $26 at Sportingbet Australia and the bookmaker says he is its worst result. Gary Ablett has also shortened, in from $11 to $10.
GIANT FLOP
The Giants account for almost 90 per cent of wooden spoon betting at Betfair.
TABSportsbet has them at $1.12 to win the spoon, but in its ‘will GWS win a game’ market, they have been supported, now at $1.75. They are $2.05 to go winless for the season.
In the Giants’ first game against the Swans, they have been given a record 99.5 point start in line-betting. But punters have backed them (best bet is $7000 at $1.90), and they are now $1.80 to get within 100 points of the Swans.
