From The Couch: Round 1, 2021

From The Couch: Round 1, 2021

Cameron Smith Retires: It is over. Our tired nation finally has an answer. Cameron Smith, arguably the greatest and almost certainly the most decorated player the game has known, is retiring. 

It was a farewell that lasted longer than any in the game’s history and seemed to create more angst than any other as well. For reasons that aren’t really that clear, Smith seems to irritate the media and they were highly irritated by his refusal to announce his intentions for 2021. It doesn’t matter though. Smith’s career is now over and with it ends one of the finest careers not only the game but Australian sport has known. 

When the final epithet is written for Smith, it will say he was the ultimate winner. He won at every level, guiding the Storm to five premierships and nine Grand Finals. He was the central piece in Queensland’s epic domination of State of Origin. Australia won all they could win with Smith. He was decorated with individual awards.

He was the ultimate competitor, who rose not only to the top of his generation but to the pantheon of the game’s greatest, did so as a footballer in an era of the athlete, who thrived on guile and subtlety and drive. He pushed the line but did what any good captain would do. The bitterness against him seemed to be little more than jealousy.

Smith has immortalism awaiting him. He should be remembered as one of the greatest, if not the greatest, player the game has known. 

Time for Tigers to Move on From Babbling Brooks: It is now eight years since Luke Brooks debuted to the acclaim that he was the next Andrew Johns. Eight years later, he is far closer to Joey Leilua than he is Joey Johns. The level of stupidity he plays with as a highly-paid halfback clearly in charge of the team is astonishing. Twice he stood in front of his hooker, leading to forward passes. He kicked out on the full. He dropped balls. He is an expensive liability and the Tigers are better off just letting him go and hoping for the best. The more the Tigers try to build around him, the farther away from anything resembling success they get. 

Notes on the New Rules: There were seven new rules introduced over the offseason. Some showed some big upside. Others were unseen. The best new rule is the review of every try with most tries that look like tries awarded. It has seen the right decision generally made but the momentum of the game rolls on. Andrew Voss raised a great question though about what happens to the time when a play is recalled. We unfortunately did not see a 40-metre drop goal. The proliferation of set restarts is, unfortunately, becoming a cop-out for referees. 

Knockout Blow: When it comes to knockout blows landed, there will be few that land more squarely than that delivered by Cooper Cronk on Phil ‘Buzz’ Rothfield last week on NRL 360. Rothfield had made a big song and dance questioning Cronk’s integrity in coaching at both the Roosters and the Storm, even though he only works occasionally with Melbourne’s halves. Cronk eviscerated Rothfield, forcing the journalist to back away from his claims in a great bit of television. 

Albatross Around the Neck: Canterbury are not a club renowned for patience and Trent Barrett will be given no favours in his rebuild of the Bulldogs with Dallin Watene-Zelezniak reportedly on $800,000 next season in what could be the worst contract in the NRL. No player is more error-laden or prone to stupidity this side of Joey Leilua. 

A Problematic Portent: Brisbane won the wooden spoon in 2020 after a horrific season where the club imploded, a coach was axed and the sheen well and truly went off the joint. With coach Kevin Walters now at the helm, there was hope of a fresh start despite wooden spoon favouritism. So things could not have started much worse than off the opening kickoff the Broncos throw a forward pass in their own in-goal. It was Benny Hill stuff. The Broncos dug deep for a while but then collapsed in a heap for another embarrassing loss. 

Rugby League’s Greatest Statues: With Cameron Smith’s statue unveiled to look like a bloated Julian O’Neill, we take a look at the least convincing and arguably most amusing statues in Rugby League. 

 

1. Ray Warren – Junee: Andrew Voss lost his job at Nine and created a lifelong feud with Ray Hadley when he dared question its likeness.
2. Michael Weyman – Moruya: Weyman is made to look like a Greek philosopher in what must be the most unlikely player to be honoured with a statue.
3. Scott Minto – Suncorp Stadium: Sportsbet made The People’s Immortal an icon outside Suncorp Stadium – of ever so briefly. 
4. Johnathan Thurston – Townsville: The likely future Immortal has been given a face like an aging gremlin.
5. Cameron Smith – AAMI Park: Smith was never an athlete and more a footballer but the artist seems to envisage Smith significantly heavier than he ever played at. 

2021 Field Goal Update – 1: Chanel Harris-Tavita opened the field goal tally in 2021 and it was a beautiful one that was both meaningless in terms of the win and the loss but incredibly important to those who enjoy a margin play. 

Fun Fact #1: Trent Barrett coached teams have conceded 26 or more points in nine of their last 15 games. They have conceded 30-plus in seven of 12. 

Fun Fact #2: North Queensland named and played three hookers.

Fun Fact #3: Jason Taumalolo had just three hit-ups in the first 55 minutes against the Panthers.

Betting Market of the Week: Could Peter V’Landys have played in the NRL if he didn’t have a restaurant to manage, a degree to finish and an accounting job?

$6.50: Of course he couldn’t have
$4.00: He would have been an Immortal as a player as he is as an administrator
$2.25: He would almost certainly have been a cross between Cameron Smith, Wally Lewis and Andrew Johns
$1.50: There is no doubt he would have won at least six Dally M Second Rower of the Year awards

$1.20: He could start in the Canterbury backrow now

Rumour Mill: Former Dragons and current Warrington coach Steve Price is set to return to the NRL and he is being strongly linked with Cronulla, a team he has formerly been an assistant with. Melbourne have been in the headlines with Brandon Smith reported to be planning an exit and joining a club where he can play hooker, most likely Brisbane. Cameron Munster has also been linked as a key target to the new Brisbane team. Karl Lawton is expected to sign with Manly in  coming days. 

The Coaching Crosshairs: Coaches are rarely in strife after a single round and there is no coach really under the hammer but one would think that Des Hasler will come under immense pressure if the Sea Eagles turn out such pathetic efforts going forward. Hasler’s tactical nous is also coming under question as he has seemingly failed to adapt with the times. 

Moronic Coaching Decision of the Week: Todd Payten made an inauspicious debut as head coach of North Queensland from some decisions that ranged from bizarre to downright idiotic. There were some question marks raised when teams were named with Scott Drinkwater named at fullback, Val Holmes on the wing and, most curiously, Hamiso Tabuai-Fidow, in the centres. He then doubled down by naming three hookers to play in what is surely a first. He then declared that star Jason Taumalolo would play less and proceeded to call him out in the media since. If Payten was taking a dive he could not have done much more. 

Jersey Watch: Parramatta could not have looked more like a soccer team in their horrendous all-yellow number wheeled out on Friday night. Clint Gutherson made a bird of it with his man bun that had him looking ready to take a dive and win a free kick.  

Watch It: Justin Olam allegedly has a degree in applied physics but showed very little of that intelligence in the season opener when he decided to play the ball sideways and/or just decide he had enough and wandered back off to the sideline. Watch the madness here. 

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